June 17th
By Xanthe

June 17th, 2002

"And before you all go…"

The senior staff all gave a faintly audible sigh – the meeting had already lasted for well over two hours and they were all eager to leave the Oval Office; apart from anything else it was lunchtime, a fact that was signalled all too clearly by the sounds emanating from Josh's stomach.

"This won't take long," the President continued, ignoring the sigh. "I just wanted to ask if any of you are aware of the date?"

He glanced around the room at his senior staff - who all gazed back at him blankly with the exception of Leo, who sighed.

"Uh…it's June 17th," Josh supplied helpfully, and then he coughed extravagantly in a clear ruse to hide the noises coming from the direction of his midriff.

"It is indeed June 17th," Jed said. He glanced at his staff over the top of his spectacles, gazing at each of them in turn, and pausing to glare particularly meaningfully at Leo who rolled his eyes at him. Jed ignored his Chief of Staff's discomfort and continued.

"June 17th. There are many important events in history that took place on this date; on this day in 1579 Sir Francis Drake claimed San Francisco Bay for England; on June 17th, 1885 the Statue of Liberty arrived in New York City aboard the French ship Isere, and…" The President paused for a beat, and glanced at Leo again. His Chief Of Staff raised an eyebrow and winced slightly while waiting for the conclusion of the President's sentence. "…On this day in 1972 five men were arrested for breaking into the Democratic Party Headquarters in the Watergate complex in Washington, DC.," Jed finished with a slightly smug smile in the direction of his oldest and closest friend. Leo's eyes flashed dangerously.

"Thank you, Mr. President, for reminding us that extraordinary things can happen on the most ordinary days," Leo said, getting to his feet and thereby signalling that the meeting was at an end. The staff all got up eagerly, and there was a minor scramble to see who could be first out of the door, a contest that CJ won, with Josh close on her heels, his stomach still protesting.

The President took off his glasses, waited until everyone had gone, and then turned to face his Chief of Staff's extremely hard stare.

"What?" He shrugged, opening his arms expansively. "Just a little history lesson. It didn't do them any harm – I like to think that they learned a thing or two."

"I hadn't forgotten," Leo said firmly.

"Good – because you do sometimes," Jed replied, rifling through the papers on his desk.

"I do not," Leo said hotly.

"Yes, you do. Or at least you would if I didn't remind you."

"We'll never know seeing as you always do remind me," Leo protested.

"Well that's because I'm not sure whether you've remembered or not," the President said. Leo gave a heartfelt sigh and threw his hands up in the air.

"I remembered!" He said in an exasperated tone.

There was silence for a moment. Both men stared at each other.

"I know you think I make an unreasonable amount of fuss about this but it's important," the President said finally. "I know you don't have a romantic bone in your body and I know that you think I make way too big a deal out of what is 'just another goddamn day in the year, Jed'" He mimicked his Chief of Staff's dry tones with unerring accuracy. "But indulge me." He spread his arms wide. "Because it is just one day, Leo and as you refuse to allow me to get romantic at any other time in the year I think I'm owed this one."

"Okay." Leo shrugged.

"Okay then." Jed put his glasses back on and picked up a sheaf of papers from his desk.

"Okay," Leo said again, turning to go.

"I'll see you at the Residence at 8pm?" Jed said.

"Yes you will." Leo turned back, nodding.

"Okay. You do know this is a big, important anniversary don't you?" Jed said, glancing at Leo over his spectacles again. Leo hesitated, looking confused. Jed made a clicking sound in the back of his throat and was about to launch into another tirade when Leo grinned and inclined his head.

"I had you then," he said.

"You did not!"

"Sure I did. Yes, I know this is a big one, sir. I'll be there at 8pm."

"I'll be cooking," Jed warned.

"I'll come anyway," Leo replied.

"I'm not expecting a present or anything – just for you to show up. I know that unromantic old heart of yours doesn't stretch to presents – so just your presence will do," Jed said, chuckling at his own, slightly old joke.

"You mean that's not enough?" Leo grinned in a way that was almost impish, reminding Jed of a boy a long time ago who had looked at him in just the same way. Jed gazed at Leo hungrily and then sighed.

"Yeah, that's enough, Leo," he said. Leo nodded, and then turned on his heel and returned to his own office. "That's always been enough for me, Leo," Jed said softly, under his breath, watching his old friend go.

June 17th, 1962

Jed Bartlet gazed morosely at the assembled group of boys from under his floppy dark bangs. It was the first day of the Boy's Nation camp and he was delighted to have been given a much-coveted place on the camp despite his father's objections, but was now feeling somewhat put out that two other boys had been chosen to lead the first debating exercise. He had volunteered with all the enthusiasm in his 17 year old heart, brimful of the confidence that he had acquired as Captain of his school debating team, but had been passed over in favour of a tall, dark haired kid from New York and a wiry, blond haired boy from Chicago.

It was a bright, sunny day, and the two boys were standing on a platform examining the history of US isolationism, arguing its pros and cons and whether it was a policy that still had merit despite the Kennedy administration's current active promotion of US involvement in the rest of the world. The dark haired kid had rambled on, arguing that isolationism had served the US well in the past, but failing to make any of the more obvious points that Jed would have made if he'd been the one up there on the platform. Jed couldn't help himself – he was someone who got involved and sitting on the sidelines was anathema to him so he was just itching to get up there and start participating. The first boy finished and stepped back, to a smattering of polite but unenthusiastic applause.

The other boy stepped forward, and paused for a moment before speaking. Jed looked up, intrigued despite himself – it took a lot of confidence to pause for so long in front of a crowd of hostile 17-year-old boys who all thought they could argue the point better. The boy's thin blond hair was blowing in the slight breeze, and he had a smattering of freckles over the bridge of his nose. His blue eyes sparkled confidently as he picked up the microphone and introduced himself.

"My name's Leo McGarry but that's not important; there is only one name that's important in this debate and that's the name of the person who shows us why the old US policy of isolationism wouldn't and can't work in the modern world. That name is Adolf Hitler."

Jed stared at the other boy, completely spellbound. He didn't know whether he agreed with Leo McGarry's points or not, but he felt a thrill of something creep up his spine. This boy was someone like him - he knew it instinctively. This sandy haired, stocky young man had the same passion in his voice when he spoke that Jed had when he captained the school debating society on one of their many victories. Jed listened, enthralled, and then, at the end, when the debate was opened up to questions, he was the first on his feet. He tore into Leo's arguments, and was rewarded when the other boy, far from falling apart and getting defensive or belligerent as so often happened when Jed brought the full array of his debating talents to the fore, instead responded in kind. He threw Jed's arguments back at him, twisted and turned the words as if they were a living force, and soon the two boys were engaged in a full blown debate to the exclusion of the rest of the camp. Jed had never felt so exhilarated in his life. Here, at last, was a debating opponent worthy of his skills, someone who could match him as an intellectual equal – and maybe even outclass him - someone he didn't have to hold back with, or let up on for fear of going too far, for fear of being perceived as a show-off – something that always brought his father's wrath down on his head in full force. No, with Leo McGarry it was like dancing with words – and part of his enjoyment was derived from the fact that he knew the other boy was enjoying it as much as he was.

Finally, the debate was brought to a close, and the boys were told to split into two teams, depending on which side of the debate they agreed with most, and draw up their main points on a large sheet of paper.

Jed was sitting right at the back and it took him several minutes to elbow his way to the front of the throng of boys who had gathered around Leo McGarry. As he got close, Jed felt a thrill of recognition. He knew this boy. He wasn't sure how, but it was as if all of the previous 17 years of his life had been a rehearsal, waiting for this one important moment, when it would all make sense. Leo's blond hair, sharp-eyed blue gaze, and little twisted grin were instantly familiar to him, as if he'd already spent a lifetime in the other boy's company. He reached the front of the crowd of boys and found Leo, who was starting to write up the points of the debate on the piece of paper they'd been given.

"Hey," Jed said, feeling suddenly, inexplicably shy. Leo glanced at him, and their eyes met, and their gaze held. And held. And held. Then Leo visibly shook himself.

"I'm surprised to see you on this side," he said with a nonchalant shrug. "I thought judging by how many holes you found in my argument that you'd be on the other side for sure." He glanced over at the other group of boys. Jed shook his head.

"You think because I got into a debate with you that I don't agree with you?" He said with a sly grin. Leo's expression changed, became animated, his blue eyes sparkling with recognition of a shared passion. He grinned delightedly back at Jed, and then turned to his writing once more.

"Damn…" Leo shook the pen he was using as the ink faded on the page.

"Here." Jed took his pen out of his pocket and handed it to him. Leo looked at it and gave a slight smirk as he saw it was engraved. Jed winced – he knew what Leo was thinking – how many 17 year old boys had a pen engraved with their own names? "It was a present," he said defensively. It was – and it was a present that meant a great deal to him as it had been given to him by his father's secretary, Mrs. Landingham, a woman for whom he had a great deal of respect and affection.

"J. Bartlet," Leo read, tracing his finger over the engraving. "What does the 'J' stand for?"

"It stands for tolerance, education and equality of opportunity for all men and women whatever their colour, religion or bank balance," Jed replied. "It also stands for Jed."

Leo stared at him for a moment and Jed hoped, desperately, that he hadn't just come over as unbearably pompous and precocious. He had just wanted to make an impression. He so wanted this boy to like him. Finally Leo's features broke into a grin and he held out his hand.

"Jed Bartlet – I'm Leo McGarry," he said. Jed took the proffered hand and there was a brief moment when the world seemed to have stood still. Jed had the feeling that something had just happened here, something that was very important to both of them not only on a personal level, but somehow on a wider level too.

Jed didn't think he'd ever talked so much in his life as he did during that summer. Within a couple of days he'd arranged to swap rooms with Leo's roommate so that they could keep on talking, long into the night, sharing an intellectual passion that intoxicated them both. Leo was quieter than Jed, more thoughtful, prone to making sharp, pragmatic observations that punctured Jed's more flowery language and folksy notions – but Jed felt he was sparking off the other boy in a way he had never known before. In fact, until he had met Leo, Jed sincerely doubted whether he'd ever even been truly alive before. Leo seemed to feel the same way, and as each day passed Jed found himself growing more and more obsessed with his new friend and, at the same time, also growing confused by the amount of sheer emotion that he was channelling into this friendship. He had close friends at school whose company he enjoyed, and he'd had a severe crush on David Wheaton's sister, but this was like a combination of both of those. Sometimes he just liked to sit and watch Leo talk, to follow the movement of his lips, and now he found himself wondering what it would be like to kiss those lips. Was that wrong? Jed wondered. It didn't feel wrong. He'd never had feelings like this for another boy before but then he'd never met anyone like Leo before.

One night, as they sat in their respective beds in the dark in their room, finally silent after several hours of impassioned debate, Jed turned to Leo, and asked him a question that had been on his mind for some time.

"Leo, have you ever…" He hesitated. "Have you ever been with a girl?" he asked at last, flushing slightly. He truly felt there was nothing he could not discuss with his new friend and he wanted desperately to discuss this. Leo looked at him, and then nodded, slowly.

"Yes, Jed," he replied. "You?"

"No…I…it's kinda hard for me to meet any girls where I live," he sighed finally.

"I can understand that." Leo nodded again. "You will though."

"I know." Jed shrugged.

"I've read about all male boarding schools," Leo said, looking at Jed steadily. "Have you ever been with another guy, Jed?" He asked.

Jed knew that if anyone but Leo had asked that question he would have jumped up and hit him where he stood, but with Leo it was different. With Leo it wasn't an accusation or an innuendo, it was a genuine attempt to communicate and understand, to get to the truth.

"No. Never," he said quietly. "I'm not saying it doesn't go on – just that it hasn't ever interested me. Well…" He hesitated again. "Not until now," he said softly. Leo's blue eye's glittered in the dark as he registered what Jed was saying to him. "How about you?" Jed asked. Leo thought about it for a long time, and then cleared his throat.

"It's interested me…I just never did anything about it. I like girls – a lot," he added, a grin on his features. "But I just think there are a lot of things out there I want to try before I die, and…" He shrugged. "Is that normal d'you think? Having those kinds of thoughts?"

"What's normal?" Jed shrugged. "Surely any emotion is valid and as long as it doesn't hurt anyone then it's up to the individual to assess whether it's something he wants to do or not."

"Only you could make that sound like something out of a political manifesto," Leo grinned.

"Leo…" Jed bit on his lip and brushed his floppy hair out of his eyes. "I meant what I said. About you…I've never felt like this before. Is this what falling in love is like?"

Leo stared at him for a long time and then shook his head. "I don't know, Jed. I don't know what falling in love is like."

"What about the girl you went with?" Jed asked, a little bit shocked.

"There were two." Leo smiled impishly. "First Anna Linden when I was 15. Then Sharon Dewy last year. I don't think I loved either of them though, Jed." He shrugged again.

"That's so romantic," Jed commented acerbically. Leo grinned at him.

"Yeah. Well. I know I didn't feel the same way about them as I feel about you," Leo said softly. Jed looked up, surprised to learn that his own feelings were reciprocated. Leo got up, and came to sit on Jed's bed. He leaned forward and brushed Jed's wayward hair softly with his fingers and Jed felt a warmth start in his groin and flood all the way up his body, straight to his heart. "People always talk about love as if it's such a big deal. How you shouldn't have sex until you're in love and all that crap but I don't know. Sex was pretty good without me being in love with either Anna or Sharon," Leo commented. "But…" He paused, looking into Jed's eyes, his face so close that his breath was warm on Jed's cheek. "I've sometimes wondered what it would be like to do it with someone I feel something for, someone who excites me." His face seemed to be getting closer and his fingers were caressing the back of Jed's neck, making him tingle.

"Well, then, purely in the interest of academic study…" Jed murmured, his face closing what was left of the distance between them. Their lips closed on each other and Jed honestly felt as if a huge voltage of electricity had shot into his body. Leo felt it too – he could tell by the way the other boy pulled back for a second, his eyes full of wonder, and then returned for more, his lips claiming Jed's hungrily.

It was over so fast that both boys barely had time to draw breath. Leo's hand found Jed's cock and Jed rubbed himself against Leo's hard member, and soon their bodies were entwined, their lips unceasing as they kissed, long and hard…and then, within seconds, unable to control themselves, they'd both come. They lay back, squashed close together on the narrow bed, panting, staring at each other with slightly shocked but gleeful looks on their faces, and then, after several minutes, Leo propped himself up on one elbow.

"You know," he said, with a thoughtful frown on his face. "That was way too fast to prove anything. I think we need to do it again…purely in the interest of academic study of course."

"Of course," Jed agreed happily, and within seconds they were undressing each other. They went more slowly this time, now that the initial urgent rush was over. Leo took the lead, and Jed was never sure if that was because he was the one with the experience or whether it was just his personality, but either way, Jed gave as good as he got, and matched Leo's passion with his own. They were doing a different dance now, no longer a dance of words and intellect but a dance of smooth young skin pressing on smooth young skin, hot, wet kisses, and hungry, questing hands and tongues.

Purely in order to satisfy academic study they both found it necessary to repeat the experience every night thereafter, spending their days verbally jousting and their nights jousting in a more physical manner. By the end of the summer, Jed knew that this was not a friendship that was going to be just a passing phase. Leo would be with him for life – and he knew that Leo felt the same way. Not that they didn't both have independent destinies to fulfil, but their friendship was an important part of that.

On their last day at the camp, there was a mock Presidential election, which Leo won hands down. His first act as President was to make Jed Bartlet, who had been his 'campaign manager', his Chief of Staff. That night they tumbled into the room they shared, breathless with the excitement of the day, and Leo caught Jed around the waist and held him tight.

"One day, we'll make it come true," he whispered in Jed's ear, his breath warm and caressing. "One day we'll really do this. I'll be President and you'll be my Chief of Staff."

"D'you think they'll let us sleep together in the White House?" Jed grinned, angling his face in and trailing his tongue languorously along the side of Leo's neck. Leo gave a soft moan and grabbed Jed's head, kissing him firmly.

"Who'll be able to stop us?" He whispered fiercely between kisses.

June 17th, 2002

"Leo! You remembered!" Jed said, waving his arms extravagantly as Leo entered the kitchen. Leo sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Let's not do this again, sir. It wasn't all that much fun first time around. You're wearing an apron," he observed.

"And you, I see, are still wearing your work suit," Jed commented, gazing at Leo's dark grey suit with an air of ever-so-slight disapproval.

"You wanted me to change?" Leo raised an eyebrow. Jed shrugged.

"Oh I don't care, Leo, but I rarely get to see you in jeans these days and I miss the old, casual, Leo. You know, blue jeans, boots, open necked plaid shirts…"

"Is that why you keep going on at me about keeping a change of clothes in my office for when we work late?" Leo grinned.

"Maybe," Jed said with an air of someone who doesn't want to give too much away.

"Well why didn't you come straight out and say it?" Leo groused. Jed grinned and turned back to the stove. He had changed into a pair of navy chinos and a blue polo shirt, mainly because they were comfortable but also because on this anniversary he wanted to differentiate between Jed Bartlet, President of the United States and Jed, Leo McGarry's lover. He suspected that Leo didn't care about such subtleties although he was also pretty sure that at some point in the next few weeks Leo would show up wearing blue jeans and an open-necked plaid shirt. He wouldn't say anything, he'd just do it, and they'd both know why.

"Here, come and smell this." Jed lifted the lid on a saucepan and beckoned Leo over.

"What is it?" Leo ventured cautiously, bending slightly to sniff.

"It's chilli. Now, I know that you and everyone else in the entire universe like to make fun of my cooking but I think we both secretly know that it's actually quite good," Jed said, replacing the lid on the saucepan. Leo leaned against the kitchen counter and surveyed his old friend with a fond smile on his face.

"Where's Abbey?" He asked.

"She's gone to stay with Liz – you know she always makes herself scarce on June 17th," Jed told him.

"What about the staff?" Leo looked around the empty kitchen.

"I told them all to go away."

"They hate it when you do that," Leo remarked.

Jed ground some pepper into the saucepan and then took a taste of the chilli and nodded to himself. "I know but I'm the President and I figure that I should be entitled to spend some time in my own kitchen every once in awhile."

"Well technically speaking it's not your kitchen, it's the White House kitchen," Leo commented, sneaking a look in one of the other saucepans on the stove.

"Leo – shut up," Jed ordered.

"Yes, sir." Leo nodded.

"And don't call me sir, Leo. It's June 17th for god's sake. You promised never to call me sir when we were in bed together."

"Well in case I missed something we aren't…sir," Leo grinned.

"You're just playing around with technicalities now – and it's only a matter of time anyway."

"Yeah," Leo's grin broadened somewhat lasciviously and he glanced around. "What about the security staff?" He asked.

"I told them to go away too," Jed replied. "Although I think they only went down the hallway."

"They hate it when you do that as well," Leo commented.

"Leo, I don't care if the world and his wife disapprove of me wanting to spend an evening like an ordinary human being. I want tonight to be special – I'm getting tired of half hour quickies in your hotel room with you hissing 'sssh' in my ear every time I give so much as a low groan of passion. Tonight we're spending the entire night together, just like every other June 17th for the past 40 years."

"39," Leo said. Jed raised an eyebrow. "Technically it's 39 because that first year we didn't actually make love until June 26th as I recall," Leo said. "We always celebrate the anniversary of when we first met and not when we first made love."

"I see you can remember some dates if you try," Jed commented dryly.

"I've already told you that I can remember this one," Leo replied smoothly. "You just don't like to put it to the test." He stepped back a bit and looked at his old friend, a mischievous smile spreading across his features – a smile that Jed knew very few people had ever witnessed. "So, we're alone, huh?" Leo said.

"Yeah." Jed grinned at him.

"Hmmm." Leo leaned forward and Jed wondered how it was possible that at the grand old age of 57 that particular gleam in Leo's blue eyes could still make his skin tingle and his groin fill with a warmth that shot all the way up to his heart. "Sooo," Leo said, his lips grazing Jed's neck suggestively. "Wanna fuck?"

June 17th, 1970

Jed glanced at his watch. He had been waiting in the hotel bar for three hours and he had gone through boredom and was now starting to get genuinely worried. He wondered whether to go up and check the room again in case Leo had gone straight there when a movement over by the door caught his eye. His eyes travelled over the handsome stranger in the Air Force uniform, then dropped back, disappointed, to his drink once more. A few seconds later the stranger sat down beside him. Jed scooted up a bit, annoyed at the interruption and with the other man for invading his space.

"So, no kiss hello then?" A familiar, slightly gruff voice asked in an undertone. Jed looked up and straight into the blue eyes of the handsome Air Force officer sitting beside him.

"Leo?" He said, and then…"Leo!" He grabbed the other man by the lapels of his uniform and gazed at him, his eyes roving over Leo's face, and down over the toned body encased in its uniform. He could feel the hardness of Leo's muscles even through the uniform – Air Force life had obviously made him fitter and tougher than ever. Jed fought down a wave of envy – Leo was out in the world, fighting for what he believed in, while Jed was stuck at home, struggling to make ends meet on his small lecturer's stipend while Abbey started out as a doctor and they both juggled the childcare arrangements for their baby daughter.

"Oh, so you do recognise me?" Leo grinned. "I was beginning to think you'd forgotten me."

"It has been too long," Jed agreed, shaking his head.

"A year." Leo nodded.

"I know – when I said we should spend every June 17th together I didn't mean that was the only time during the year we should meet up," Jed commented, his eyes still devouring his friend's face. It was always the same, this electric charge of passion and connection that he felt whenever he was with Leo, and yet still it always took him by surprise. He had never felt the same about any other man – had never taken another male lover or even wanted to. He was heterosexual in every other area of his life apart from his relationship with Leo. He had tried not to question it – he knew, deep in his heart, that his relationship with Leo was non-negotiable. It was a constant in his life, something he needed. Even when their busy lives meant they barely got to see each other, when they did meet up, Jed was reminded all over again why his relationship with Leo was so important. A few years after meeting Leo he had met Abbey at college and had felt a similar surge of emotion towards her as well. It had confused him at first – how could he possibly feel so strongly about two such different people? Was there room for both of them in his life? He had tried hard to choose between them, had chosen Abbey, wanting the comfort and security of a normal life, without all the attending problems and issues that arose from his relationship with another man – but in the end it had been hopeless. He had confessed to Abbey about his relationship with Leo, and how he didn't think he could live without it. She had looked at him for a long time, then nodded, and said, "Well then, Jed, I'd better meet this Leo McGarry." She had met him, and the two of them had gotten along fine, in a kind of spiky, slightly jealous way – but what they both had in common was that they loved him, and they wanted him to be happy. Jed wasn't sure what he had done to deserve two such understanding people in his life, two people who were so devoted to his welfare, but he guessed that he must have done something right by both of them for them to care so much about his happiness. Abbey had thought about it for a couple of days and then told him that she was happy to share him with Leo – on two conditions.

"One, this is just Leo we're talking about. You tomcat around with any other man and we're through, Jed."

"Just any other man?" Jed had questioned. "Does that mean I have carte blanche to tomcat around with any other woman?" He grinned. Abbey fixed him with one of her Looks and that wiped the smile off his face extremely fast.

"Try that and see if you can walk after I find out," she murmured. "I should remind you that I'm training to be a doctor and I know exactly where to dig the heel of my shoe to cause the most pain," she said pointedly.

"Understood." Jed smiled at her. "Did I ever tell you how much I love you?"

"Not often enough," she smiled back. "Honestly, Jed. I can see that you and Leo have something special together – I can't stand in the way of that. You've known him longer than you've known me - I'm flattered that you want me enough to even try to give him up for me but we both know that won't work. He's too important to you."

"What's the second thing?" He asked, drawing her to him and kissing her soundly on the lips.

"Just keep me informed. Don't let anything you do with Leo be a secret," she told him. "I don't want you skulking around behind my back because you're scared of hurting me. I know there will be times when you spend more time with him than me, and vice versa and I promise I'll try not to get jealous when I feel like I'm the one who drew the short straw. I love you, Jed Bartlet – but I have other things in my life. I'm not the little woman sitting at home and I won't be lied to. Promise me you'll always be honest with me."

"That is one thing I definitely can promise, Abbey," he had told her, kissing her again.

So he and Abbey had got married, and Leo had, naturally, been best man. At first he'd continued to see quite a bit of his old friend, but then Leo had joined the Air Force, determined to fight in Vietnam. Jed had talked to him at great length about that – it had been one of the biggest intellectual arguments they'd ever had, rendered all the more passionate by the fact that Jed was scared stiff of losing his friend.

"Jed, when we met I was participating in a debate about US isolationism," Leo had protested. "That wasn't all talk – I honestly believe that the US has a duty to get involved in the affairs of the world. You saw what happened in World War 2 – if we hadn't gotten involved there…"

"Leo, this isn't World War 2," Jed argued. "It isn't anything like it."

"I believe in this, Jed," Leo told him, his blue eyes flashing. "And what does all the rhetoric mean if we don't put our beliefs on the line and follow them through? It's all very well to say I'm in favour of the principle of other young men risking their lives for a war that I believe in, but I have to put my money where my mouth is or I can't hold my head up high. I don't want an easy life, Jed, I never have. I want an honest one – I want one where I'm true to myself and my ideals. That's why I'm still with you, after all." He grinned. "It would have been a lot easier and a lot more sensible to say nothing of socially acceptable to ditch you and find a woman to spend the rest of my life with."

Jed shook his head. "I do understand that, Leo. I'm not going to try and talk you out of doing something you believe in. I just wish…" He hesitated, then pulled Leo into a hug. "Just come home safely, Leo," he whispered, burying his face in his friend's neck and taking a deep inhalation of his lover's scent, worried that this might be the last time he ever smelled it, ever touched Leo's skin, ran his hands through that wispy blond hair, or looked into those sharp blue eyes, those eyes that missed nothing and understood him so well.

Now that conversation seemed a very long time ago, and this man sitting here in his Air Force uniform was someone so changed that Jed's eyes had initially passed over him, dismissing him as nothing more than a handsome stranger. Jed took a closer look at his friend, trying to figure out what exactly about him was so different. There was something about those eyes, something that held a warning, or a barrier, and Jed knew instantly that there was a distance between them that had never been there before.

"I need a drink," Leo commented, raising his hand to call the bartender over.

"I've spent three hours in this bar, Leo, and I don't want to spend another second longer," Jed complained. "You can't come in here looking like this in this goddamn sexy uniform after I've existed a whole year on just letters and expect me to sit there and watch you have a drink."

"I need a drink," Leo repeated, his lips crinkling up at the edges anyway.

"Then buy a bottle and bring it up to the room. I can't wait," Jed ordered brusquely.

"Yessir!" Leo tipped up his cap in a mock salute, paid for a bottle of whisky, and then followed Jed up to the room he had booked.

The room was small, dank and cheap but Jed didn't care about that. He charged through the door, turned in one quick motion, pulled Leo in by the lapels of his uniform, slammed the door shut behind them, and then pinned Leo to the wall with a kiss that sent that familiar megawatt charge of electricity through them both. Leo responded with equal vigour, his hands grabbing Jed's ass as his tongue plundered forcefully down his lover's throat. They parted for a second, coming up for air, their breath coming in heaving gasps, eyeing each other speculatively, and then, without speaking, went straight back in for another deep, long kiss. Jed felt Leo's hands disappearing down the front of his pants and the next thing he knew his pants were on the floor and his cock was being expertly massaged to climax. He came all too quickly, in a way that was reminiscent of their first time, and then sank to his knees, undid Leo's pants and took his lover's cock in his mouth, relishing the taste and feel of it after a year's deprivation. Leo's climax was just as swift as his own had been and then they both gazed at each other, still panting, Jed still on his knees and Leo still leaning back against the wall. There was silence between them and it felt so wrong to Jed. There was never silence between them – they always had far too much to talk about.

"So," Leo commented after several long minutes. "How's Abbey?"

"She's fine." Jed nodded.

"And little Lizzie? How's my god-daughter?" Leo questioned, doing up his pants and opening the bottle of whisky he was holding. Jed felt somehow rejected – their initial quick coupling had just been a prelude to the long lovemaking that they usually enjoyed. He didn't know why Leo was making small talk and getting dressed again.

"She's fine too. Leo…"

"You want some?" Leo took a long swig of the bottle, his lips making sensuous contact with it in a way that made Jed's recently sated cock begin to twitch again. Then he offered the bottle to Jed.

"No. I want you." Jed got up and went to sit on the bed where he began unbuttoning his shirt. Leo watched him, those sharp blue eyes brooding and watchful. Jed suddenly felt uneasy, as if there was a caged tiger in the room instead of Leo, the man he loved more than any other in the entire world, a man he knew better than any other – or at least he had thought he did. Now he wasn’t so sure. Leo watched him get undressed, that whisky bottle plastered to his lips as he took generous gulps from it. He looked utterly dangerous and sexy as he stood there, his eyes shadowed, and his tautly toned body encased in his uniform, still, unmoving, looking at Jed as if he was prey.

"Are you coming over? I want to talk, Leo. It's been a year," Jed said. Often they would just lie on the bed, naked, and talk in between love making sessions. Jed loved their physical intimacy but their mental and emotional intimacy was at least as important to him – it was the lubricant that kept the wheels of their relationship turning so smoothly.

"I don't want to talk," Leo said dangerously, walking over to the bed. "I wanna fuck."

Jed suddenly wondered who this man was and began to think he had been right in his first estimation of Leo as a handsome stranger. Maybe it's just been too long, he thought to himself, as Leo prowled over to the bed, the whisky bottle hanging from his hand. Leo put the bottle down on the nightstand and sat down on the bed. He didn't even undress – he just reached for Jed, his hands claiming him as if he was a prize, something to be devoured whole, like a starving man attacking a meal. Jed didn't even try to fight him off – somehow he recognised that this was something that Leo needed, that there was something hollow in Leo's soul, a gap that needed to be filled, and if he was the instrument by which his friend gained some peace then he was happy to offer himself up. Leo wasn't gentle – his hands, hands that could fly a F-105 at high speeds over enemy terrain - were insistent and rough on Jed's body. The buttons on his uniform were hard, cold and unyielding against Jed's warm skin as Leo turned him over and reached into his pocket for lube.

"I bought some on the way here," he growled, his teeth scraping the back of Jed's neck. "Figured we'd be needing it." Jed had brought some too, and somehow he had the feeling that Leo was lying – a quick look at the tube of lubricant convinced him that this had not been a hastily bought item. For a start, where the hell was Leo going to find a shop selling lubricant at such short notice and in addition, there was less than half a tube of it, so Leo had obviously used it already – on someone else. Jed's heart missed a beat. They'd never talked about exclusivity – Jed knew that as a married man he was on weak ground there. He could hardly insist that Leo remain faithful to him if he was sleeping with Abbey…and yet…and yet…somehow he thought that they had an unspoken agreement that while they might form relationships with women, they wouldn't sleep with other men. Jed knew, as Leo entered him roughly from behind, that there had been no such agreement. Leo had definitely had other male lovers – and recently. Was this the kind of soulless sex he was having with them, Jed wondered? And why the hell did he think he could get away with it with him? He was Jed Bartlet, he and Leo had something special – didn't they? This clearly wasn't the time to talk about it - Jed braced himself as Leo thrust into him, hard, an edge of desperation in his movements, as if they were a pair of animals rutting. All the same, hard and edgy though the sex was, Jed couldn't help but relish the feel of Leo's cock inside him again after so long without. It was a need for him too – he needed to feel Leo's hard length, needed to be pounded within an inch of his life, and yet, as he gazed around the dirty room, he knew deep inside that what they were doing was something just as unclean.

Leo gave Jed's cock a few cursory tugs until Jed came, and then finished off himself, coming inside his lover's body. Then he withdrew, much to Jed's intense disappointment – he loved it when Leo stayed inside him after their love-making, and they shared precious moments of intimacy. Leo rolled over and reached for the whisky bottle again and Jed watched him, feeling increasingly angry.

"Can we talk now?" He asked.

"Sure. About what?" Leo took a lazy hit on the bottle and gazed at the ceiling.

"Christ, Leo, you've been gone a year – and you've barely written these past few months. I didn't even know if you were receiving my letters or if you had been shot down or captured or even if you were dead," Jed remonstrated. Leo's eyes flashed with some emotion Jed couldn't understand. "I didn't even know if you were going to show up here tonight – I didn't know if you got my letter telling you where we going to meet – would it have hurt you to have replied just to let me know? And then you show up three hours late, looking like this and behaving like this." Jed shook his head.

"Behaving like what?" Leo turned his face towards his friend, his speech slightly slurred.

"Like a fucking animal!" Jed roared, getting up. He wrapped a blanket around his body and moved away, wincing slightly as he realised how sore he was. "You didn't even apologise for being late – where were you, Leo? Did you hit the bars before you came here? Are you drunk, Leo?"

Leo gazed at him with a hard look in those blue eyes. "Not nearly drunk enough, old friend," he whispered. "Not nearly drunk enough." Those words sent shivers down Jed's spine. It wasn't so much what Leo said, as the way he said it.

"Christ, you didn't even get undressed. You fucked me like I was a fucking animal," Jed snarled. "How many others have you fucked like this, Leo? Anonymous strangers in anonymous hotel rooms - is that all I am to you now? Is that all we have?"

"You're being dramatic – as always." Leo studied the label on the bottle of whisky intently, not meeting his friend's eye.

"This is me you're talking to, Leo," Jed said in an exasperated tone. "What the hell happened to you?"

"What do you mean what happened to me?" Leo shot back angrily. "You're the one who couldn't wait to get me through the door before you jumped my bones, Jed. Don't sit on the fucking moral high ground pissing down on me. I don't need it – okay?"

"Okay. Yeah, okay." Jed got up and walked angrily over to the window.

There was silence for a long time, and then Jed heard Leo sigh behind him. He heard his friend get up and then a few seconds later a pair of hands found their way around his stomach and Leo's chin came to rest on his shoulder.

"Hey. We don't have long – let's not argue," Leo said softly. "I'm sorry. It's just…this is what we do, isn't it? We meet up, we make love…that's what we do, Jed."

"And we talk, Leo. We talk," Jed told him, glancing sideways at his friend. The shadows in Leo's eyes became even denser and he felt Leo shrug.

"We are talking, Jed."

"Tell me about Vietnam. Are you still flying the same plane? The F105?"

"The Thud? Sure." Leo's grip loosened a fraction. "You still teaching?"

"For now. I'm working on a research grant."

"Good. That brain of yours is too good to waste on those kids for the rest of your life," Leo commented with a grunt.

"Hey, I thought I was going to be your Chief of Staff when you made President. Are you withdrawing that job offer, Leo McGarry?" Jed replied, relaxing into their old banter, feeling the familiarity warm him, like slipping his hand into a comfortable, worn old glove.

Leo's grip slackened even more. "Job offer still stands, Jed," he said softly, but there was no fire in his voice any more, and no belief. Jed knew that something very fundamental had happened to Leo McGarry – he was a changed man. They always used to talk about politics with a passion that matched their physical passion and they both genuinely believed that one day they might make it to the very top. It wasn’t just idle fantasising – they believed it.

"Good." Jed nodded, wondering how he could get to the root of what was bothering his friend. Leo snuggled closer to him and kissed the back of his neck wetly. They were quiet for a long time; Leo's arms were strong and warm around Jed's body but Jed didn't know how to breach the unexpected silence. His relationship with Leo had never involved silence before and he didn't know how to handle it.

"So," Leo said finally, clearly as unable to bear the silence as Jed. "Wanna fuck?"

June 17th, 2002

Jed gazed at Leo, the past standing between them as if it were only yesterday. Leo's scent was as familiar to him as his own and Abbey's, and his lover's nearness made his skin tingle with need. The warm hum of fizzing water from the saucepan beside them hissed in the air and Leo's blue eyes bored affectionately into his soul. They had been here so often, on this date, renewing the bond they'd made when they'd barely been more than children, and each time it brought something up, something new or something old – a memory or the creation of a new one.

"I was just kidding," Leo said softly. "Jed, you don't have to remind me about June 17th – I always remember. If I don't often get you a present it's because I have no idea what to get you. Presents aren't really my thing. You know that."

"Yeah." Jed smiled. "Leo, when did you last even go in a store?"

"I have no idea but however long it's been it hasn't been long enough." Leo grinned. He reached out and placed a proprietary hand on Jed's ass.

"They have the internet nowadays. You can shop online," Jed pointed out.

"I'm too busy running the country," Leo countered.

"And I'm not?" Jed raised an eyebrow.

"You have people to do these things for you."

"Oh, you think I went to Charlie and said, 'Here's a 100 bucks, please go out and buy an anniversary present for Leo McGarry to celebrate our 40 years of intimacy together?'" Jed raised his other eyebrow.

"I would so love to see Charlie's face if you said that," Leo laughed, his hand stroking Jed's butt insistently.

"If you do that for much longer then we won't even get to eat," Jed commented, making no move to stop the caress all the same.

"Maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing – d'you remember the days when we couldn't wait to get our hands on each other the moment we were alone together?" Leo said.

"Yeah, but then we'd often been apart for months. Now, we get to have sex every few days," Jed replied. "And besides, we're getting way too old to be that horny."

"Speak for yourself," Leo retorted. "So what was the longest time we ever went without seeing each other?" he mused.

"A year," Jed said softly. Leo glanced at him, his blue eyes full of memories.

"Ah. Yes," he said sadly.

June 17th, 1970

"No, I don't." Jed pushed Leo's questing hands away. "I'm way too sore for a start."

"I'm happy to bottom." Leo shrugged.

"Since when?" Jed asked incredulously – Leo invariably went on top and it suited them both well enough.

"Since whenever." Leo shrugged again.

Jed sighed – holding a conversation with this Leo was like walking through maple syrup and he'd had enough of even trying.

"I'm going to get some sleep," he muttered, returning to the bed. "How much leave do you have?"

"Just tomorrow and then I have to report back." Leo took another swig out of his whisky bottle. Jed's heart fell. Just a day? They only had a day together? He couldn't bear the thought of parting from Leo so soon when something was so very wrong between them – or was it between them? Had they outgrown each other or was the problem just Leo and this weird, uncommunicative mood he was in?

"Come here," Jed said, deciding to try again. Whatever had happened to Leo, he was his oldest and best friend and he deserved that someone made an effort with him – if he wouldn't help himself then the least Jed could do was to make him know that he was loved. He opened his arms and Leo came towards him. He sat on the side of the bed and Jed drew him down and wrapped his arms around him, covering them both in the blanket.

"Here, let's get you undressed," he said, his hand going to Leo's shirt, which he started to unbutton. Leo's hand came up and grabbed his wrist hard.

"No," he said sharply, and then, more softly. "I'm fine like this. I don't want to get cold." The room was warm and it was the middle of summer – Jed didn't think there was any way that Leo could get cold but it clearly wasn't a good time to push his lover on this. He knew Leo of old – his friend could be the most stubborn, obstinate man in the world when his back was against the wall – and right now, it seemed as if his back was pressed right up close against the stone, leaving neither of them with much room to manoeuvre. Jed did the only thing he could; he held Leo tight against him, kissed his lover's neck, and whispered to him over and over again that he loved him until gradually he felt the hard lines of Leo's body start to relax. At some point they fell asleep.

Jed woke halfway through the night and gazed around, disoriented. He wondered briefly where Abbey was and then reality kicked in and he realised why he had woken; Leo was making strange noises – and he wasn't safely wrapped up in his arms any more. He'd somehow managed to roll over to the other side of the bed and was curled up in a ball, his hands covering his head as if he was being attacked.

"Leo?" Jed whispered softly, uncertain what to do.

Leo was clearly asleep, but there was a sheen of sweat on his face and he was muttering to himself in a strangled, sobbing tone that broke Jed's heart.

"Leo," he said again, reaching out.

Leo came to with a start, gave a bellow of sheer fear, and then leaped off the bed and stood, breathing heavily, by the table. He looked at Jed as if surprised to see him, and then, without warning, he bent over double and was violently sick. Jed winced as waves of whisky scented vomit assaulted his nose. He got up, went over to his friend, and rubbed gentle circles on his back as Leo heaved his guts out.

"It's okay," Jed muttered, wondering privately if it was, or if it ever could be again.

When Leo had finished, Jed grabbed a towel from the grubby en suite shower room, and cleaned up both Leo and the mess on the floor. Leo sat down, shaking his head, one arm resting limply on the table.

"I'm sorry, Jed," he said, utterly dejected, his tones full of despair. "I'm so sorry."

"That's okay." Jed sat down opposite his friend and reached out and covered Leo's hand with his own. "Do you want to tell me what's going on now?" He asked gently. Leo's blue eyes met his own and Jed knew that more than anything else in the world Leo didn't want to talk about what was going on, and, equally, that he would, because while he didn't want to he needed to, and Jed was the only person on this planet qualified to listen.

"I've lost my way, Jed," Leo said softly. "I don't believe any more."

"Don't believe in what? In the war?" Jed asked.

"No…it's worse than that," Leo replied, a haunted look in his eyes. "I don't believe in anything, Jed. Nothing. All those things we used to talk about – politics, education, religion, race…I don't care about any of it any more. How can I talk about something I don't care about any more, Jed? I know what you want from me but it isn't there any more. I'm empty inside. Numb." He gazed at Jed imploringly, his eyes full of despair.

"What happened to you out there, Leo?" Jed whispered, squeezing Leo's fingers hard.

"I saw things, Jed – things that made me question myself. I was so sure that I was right, that America was right…but you know something? We're not always the good guys. We do stuff that we shouldn't. I genuinely believed we were helping the South Vietnamese but when I got over there I saw how different it really was. I began to question whether we had a right to interfere and I asked myself how I could have been so wrong," Leo said softly. "I struggled with it for a long time – I still believed partially in what we were doing – intellectually maybe, but I stopped believing it inside, and at some point…at some point I stopped believing in anything at all. It's easy, Jed, really easy if you try. You numb one part of yourself so that you can keep going and pretty soon all of you is numb and you can't feel anything."

"Leo, you've been fighting out there for a long time. You're just tired," Jed said softly. "Anybody would be in the circumstances."

"I've lost so many friends, Jed – friend after friend, and good men too, lost to a war that looks as if it'll never end and all in the cause of a hugely corrupt regime."

"Leo…"

"I was dreading seeing you," Leo whispered and Jed felt as if someone had physically punched him.

"Why?" He shook his head.

"Because I knew you'd be like this. Unchanged, still with that stupid light in your eyes and that need to save the entire fucking planet," Leo snapped. "You're always the lucky one, Jed. You have a wife, a kid…you've moved on in your life and I'm stuck in mine. I don't even know what I believe in any more. I don't have any certainties left. You have everything, Jed and I have nothing."

"You've still got me," Jed replied, squeezing Leo's hand again. "Is that why you behaved like this tonight? Because you wanted to make sure I couldn't have something I want? That I couldn't have you?"

Leo shook his head. "I don't think I was thinking anything that clearly, Jed."

"Leo, when you came into the bar downstairs I was envious of you," Jed told him forcefully.

"Envious of me?" Leo raised his head, a dull look in his eyes. "Why?"

"Because I felt like you were the one moving on with your life and that I was standing still. I'm not doing anything I want to be doing, Leo. Somehow, life just got in the way of all our plans. I'm married, sure, and I have a daughter who I adore, but…everything else is a lot tougher than I thought it would be. I don't know how to get on the path I want to be on. There always seems to be another goal to aim for but I seem further away than ever from fulfilling any of my dreams. Money's tight so both Abbey and I are working all the hours god sends and I don't see as much of Lizzie as I'd like."

"Well at least money isn't something I have to worry about." Leo gave a self deprecating shrug. "They just keep putting it in my account and I never have a chance to spend it on anything except liquor."

"You're drinking way too much, Leo," Jed commented.

"I know. It helps." Leo shrugged.

"In the short term," Jed pointed out.

"I don't even know if I have a long term, Jed," Leo said softly. "I don't know how I've survived this long. I go out there every day and wonder how the hell I'm still alive."

"And the anonymous sex?" Jed asked. "Does that help too?"

Leo raised his eyes slowly to meet those of his friend. "How did you know?" He asked, his voice sounding almost toneless.

"I guessed. Tonight had a feeling of being rehearsed, as if it's something you do often – but you never did it like this with me so I figure you learned it someplace else." Jed felt as if someone had plunged a knife into his gut and twisted, very slowly.

"You're jealous?" Leo sounded surprised.

"Yes, I am," Jed replied heatedly. "I'm jealous of every man you touch, Leo McGarry, jealous of every man you sleep with, every man you kiss. Who are they? Do you even know their names?"

"I usually prefer not to," Leo replied, his lips twisting in distaste. "Jed, I have never yet had sex with a man and wished it wasn't you." He paused and then continued, his voice full of pain. "I get lonely, Jed. Without you, being in that goddamn hellhole, doing something I'm not sure I believe in any more…I get so fucking lonely. I want you. I want to feel you, to smell you and touch you and make love to you. While I'm fucking faceless strangers I can imagine they're you, just for a short while."

"I guess I should be flattered." Jed made a face. "I don't know what to say, Leo. I can't be there with you and I wish you could be here with me but that isn't going to happen – not for awhile anyhow - so we have to find a strategy to help you deal with all this."

"A strategy?" Leo laughed out loud. "Oh, Jed, you have no fucking idea – you still sound like a wannabe politician who thinks everything can be solved with strategies and manifestos."

"I won't give up on you, Leo McGarry," Jed said quietly. "Even when you give up on yourself, and even when you do your damndest to push me away. I won't ever give up on you." He squeezed Leo's hand again, tightly, and Leo looked at him with the faintest glimmer of hope radiating in those blue eyes.

"I'm so tired, Jed," he whispered. "I just want to rest."

Jed got up, went to kneel in front of his friend and put his hands on Leo's shoulders.

"Hey," he whispered. "I got you. I'm still me and you're still you somewhere inside there, Leo. I know you are."

The mask faltered for a moment, and then vanished, melting away, and suddenly Jed found himself looking at Leo McGarry again, his Leo McGarry, the 17 year old boy he had fallen in love with years ago. Leo reached out a hand and gently smoothed Jed's hair away from his forehead, an old, familiar gesture. Jed leaned into it, and rubbed his face against that caressing hand.

"Why did you stop replying to my letters, Leo? Why didn't you lean on me when all this was going on inside that dumbass brain of yours?" Jed smiled at his friend. "I could have helped."

Leo shrugged. "I didn't want to worry you; you were thousands of miles away and besides you have other responsibilities now. You have Abbey and Lizzie – they need you more than I do."

"No, that's not true," Jed told him, straightening up and getting to his feet. "You're part of my family too, Leo, and you're just as important as Abbey and Liz." He rested his hands on Leo's head and pulled his friend against his belly, holding him there. Leo came easily, beyond fighting, beyond anything right now, just needing to be loved and Jed knew that he could do that. It wasn't hard to love Leo McGarry. It never had been. "You should have told me," Jed told his friend firmly, stroking his fingers through Leo's hair.

"You know how you hate not being involved," Leo said with a shaky laugh. "I thought if I told you I'd wake up one morning and find you'd hitched a ride all the way out to Thailand to yell some sense into me. Doesn't mean I don't love you, Jed," he murmured apologetically.

"Show me then." Jed took a step back, and, grasping both Leo's hands in his own, pulled his friend to his feet. He put his fingers on Leo's shirt and began, slowly, to unbutton it. Leo just stood there, allowing Jed to undress him. Jed pushed Leo's shirt back from his body and found a shiny purple mark on his left shoulder that hadn't been there before. He paused, and then examined it with his fingers.

"What's this?" He asked.

"Shrapnel wound." Leo shrugged.

Jed gazed at his friend searchingly, saw in Leo's shadowed eyes something he had known, deep in his heart, from the very first moment Leo had stepped into the bar downstairs looking so much like a stranger, earlier that evening. "You got shot down, Leo?" He asked.

"Yeah - 4 months ago," Leo said softly, and then, hurriedly, after hearing Jed's sharp intake of breath, "It's all part of the job, Jed. Thud pilots are supposed to clear out anti-aircraft and SAM batteries to clear the way for other aircraft, and that means making ourselves targets."

Jed felt his stomach clench in distress. "That sounds incredibly risky," he whispered.

"It is. I told you, we lose a lot of good men that way…and some of the green kids coming up don't have the experience to know how to stay alive…you have to try to protect them as best you can or they don't live very long."

"So you ran some risks?" Jed commented, not remotely surprised. Leo shrugged.

"I guess I got careless. I got tagged with anti-aircraft fire and lost my plane out from underneath me."

"Were you hurt anywhere else?" Jed ran his fingers over Leo's body, searching for more wounds.

"I'm fine – just a couple of cracked ribs, a few cuts and bruises and one hell of a sore back from when I bailed out. I was just damn lucky that I was picked up by a rescue chopper. It isn't a big deal, Jed."

"It is to me." Jed's fingers found Leo's ribs and trailed over each and every one of them, as if reclaiming them. Leo rested his head against Jed's shoulder, and let him finish the caress.

"I think, deep inside, that I was even grateful that it happened," he murmured.

"Grateful?" Jed drew back, and took Leo's face between his hands. "Grateful? For being shot down, Leo?"

"No, for making me feel something again, even if it was only pain. I hadn't felt anything for such a long time you see, Jed," Leo said, his voice raw.

"Oh, Leo." Jed felt as if his own heart was breaking and he pulled his friend close and kissed him fiercely. "Leo, please, don't give up on life, on the world, on us. Please. I can't promise you that I can wave a magic wand and make all this go away; you and I both know that I can't do that. All I can do is love you, Leo. It's all I've ever been able to do. Please don't say that's not enough now. Please." His eyes were beseeching. "Please," he whispered again. "I've never known anyone like you, Leo. You're part of me – the best part of me maybe. I can have faith enough for both of us, Leo. I can believe for both of us, and love for both of us until you start feeling something again, just don't give up. Trust me until then, okay?" He took Leo's face in his hands again. "Trust me to do that for us and don't give up."

Leo gazed at him like a man slowly waking from a nightmare.

"I'll try, Jed," he whispered.

"If the drink and the sex get you through then that's fine. I'm not walking in your shoes and I'm not about to give you a hard time about it," Jed said urgently. "Just be careful, Leo - and remember that there is something good waiting for you when you come back home. There is something to live for. I promise you that."

Leo was silent, and then finally, he nodded. "Okay," he whispered hoarsely.

"Come here." Jed led him to the bed, and finished undressing him, then pushed Leo down on the mattress and sank down beside him. He took Leo in his arms and began, very slowly, to make love to him. Leo, usually such an active participant in their lovemaking, was strangely passive and compliant, as if he had finally given up responsibility for a great weight that he had been carrying alone, for far too long. Jed made love to him with every inch of affection and adoration he possessed. He covered Leo's body with his own, kissed his mouth for a long time and then moved lower, his lips trailing over the round, purple scar on his shoulder. He went lower still, sucked on Leo's nipples and was gratified when Leo arced up into him, moaning softly. Leo was already erect before he took his cock in his hand and pumped it firmly. He spread Leo's thighs, and licked his balls for a long time, arousing his friend thoroughly, before reaching for the lube.

"You ready, Leo?" He asked, kneeling between his friend's legs. Leo gave him that twisted Leo grin that Jed loved so much, and reached out to caress the side of his face.

"Sure," he said softly.

Jed inserted a lubed finger into Leo's ass and Leo kicked his legs out even wider to allow easier access. Jed smiled – Leo so rarely ever liked to bottom, but on this occasion, it just felt right – and, he thought, it was something his friend seemed to need right now.

He entered Leo slowly, looking down into his friend's eyes as he did so. Leo smiled up at him, encouraging him on, and raised his hand to caress Jed's back. Jed leaned forward to claim another kiss and Leo responded eagerly. They made love slowly, with more affection than passion. This wasn't about being horny, about getting each other off, the way it had so often been – this really was about making love, literally making love. Jed wanted to show Leo that he was loved with every single atom of his being. He wasn't sure, but he thought that at some point during that long, slow, love-making session, a hint of light returned to Leo's eyes, and the shadows receded a little. It wasn't the best sex they'd had, or the most explosive, but it was the most tender and the most intimate, and later, after they'd both come, Jed wrapped his naked body around Leo's and held his friend tightly.

"You must have been given leave after your first tour of duty," Jed whispered. "Why didn't you come home then, Leo? I could have helped. I could have been there for you."

Leo reached up and touched the hand that was wrapped around his chest. "I couldn't face you, Jed, knowing what I'd become. I spent my leave drinking in seedy bars and picking up strangers for sex – men or women, it made no difference to me. I wasn't even sure that I could face you tonight – that was why I was so late. I only turned up in the end because I know what a goddamn fuss you like to make about this particular anniversary." Jed gave a snort of amusement – he knew Leo thought he was hopelessly romantic – it was a source of much bantering between them and always had been but somehow Leo needed his brand of naïve romanticism to balance out his own much darker world view, just as Jed needed Leo's level headed pragmatism to puncture his own occasionally over-sentimental and folksy view of the world. "I had to move heaven and earth to get leave as it was and I knew you'd be devastated if I didn't show. I couldn't do that to you," Leo continued. "I wasn't so numb that I could do that to you, Jed."

"Leo, I hate to see you like this. Will you at least promise me that you'll reply to my letters," Jed said.

"You think I need an anchor? I can take care of myself, Jed," Leo murmured, but he sounded so very tired.

"I think we all need an anchor occasionally, a rock, someone to lean on. There's no shame in that," Jed said softly, kissing the sweat-dampened hair on the back of Leo's neck. "One day you can do it for me, but right now it's something I can do for you. Do we have a deal?"

Leo was silent for a moment, and then he nodded. "Okay," he whispered.

They didn't leave the hotel room all the next day or night – they just stayed in bed, talking and making love. Jed thought that maybe it did some good. The Leo he said goodbye to the following morning was a little brighter, a little more like the sparkling-eyed, 17-year-old boy with the impish grin who he'd first fallen in love with. Jed didn't kid himself that their problems were over though – Leo was still damaged, still doubted himself, still had a wound in his soul that Jed wasn't sure could ever be healed.

The following morning they took a shower together, and then kissed each other goodbye before leaving the room. Leo's kiss was as full of electricity as ever and he clung onto Jed as if he never wanted them to part. Finally, they tore away from each other and gazed at each other for a long time before Leo reached for his bag.

"You go, Jed. I'll get the check," Leo said.

"No, that's not fair. I'll give you half." Jed opened his own wallet, and sighed at the meagre contents. Cheap though the room was, money was so tight that it was an extravagance he really couldn't afford right now. His father was adamant that his son stand on his own two feet and refused to give him any financial help at all, and although Jed respected that, it was hard making ends meet.

"I mean it." Leo took Jed's wallet out of his hand, closed it, and put it back in Jed's pocket. "Jed, we each do what we can for each other, right? You did what you could for me in this room and I can do this – I have the money. I might not have a whole lot else but I have that. One day our situations might be different, then you can pay – hell, I'll insist." Leo gave a faint ghost of that twisted grin that Jed loved so much.

"Okay." Jed gave in gracefully. His last sight of Leo was of a handsome Air Force officer, no longer a stranger, striding out of that room in his uniform, his back straight and his head held high, even if his eyes were still full of shadows.

June 17th, 2002

"I thought we'd eat in the Lincoln bedroom," Jed said, steering Leo along the corridor. "As it's a special occasion."

He opened the door to the bedroom, and guided Leo inside. Leo stopped on the threshold, took one look, and then tried to turn around and walk back out again.

"Uh-uh," Jed said, shoving him into the room, grinning broadly. The entire room was literally filled with red candles, all flickering away merrily, and there was a cosy table set for two.

"Jed, you shouldn't have," Leo commented. Jed laughed. He had lit an entire truckload of candles not because he particularly liked candles himself but because he knew it would exasperate Leo and he enjoyed teasing his unromantic lover with excesses of this kind. They had a familiar, comfortable, ongoing bickering contest about Leo's lack of romance compared to Jed's excess, and both played up those particular characteristics far more than Jed suspected they actually felt them in order to enjoy the ensuing fallout from the other.

"I told you it was a big one, Leo," he grinned. "40 years. You really weren't expecting me to let it pass without a grand gesture or two were you?"

"I could only hope," Leo grimaced, gazing around the gently glowing room. "I guess it beats some of the dives we've spent this anniversary in over the years though," he commented, sitting down at the table.

Jed served the chilli onto plates from a side table he'd set up earlier, and then sat down and watched while Leo took a tentative bite out of his dinner.

"So, do we have a verdict?" Jed leaned back and surveyed his friend. Jed rarely cooked for Leo – he had frequently cooked for Abbey and the girls over the years but he and Leo rarely had a chance to spend an evening alone together in any place that had a kitchen. Leo savoured his mouthful, a thoughtful expression on his face. "It's good isn't it?" Jed grinned, piling up his own fork. "You know it's good but it kills you to say it."

"Are you going to give me a chance to reply or have you already decided?" Leo asked.

"Go right ahead," Jed invited, making a face and waiting for what he expected would be some kind of put down.

"It's delicious, Jed," Leo told him sincerely.

"Hah!" Jed grinned delightedly. "Hah!" He said again, lost for words. Leo rolled his eyes.

"Is this going to be the level of the conversation all evening?" He asked.

Jed took a bite out of his own meal and sighed happily. Leo was right – it was delicious. He was pleased, even though it really wouldn't have mattered if it wasn't, but this anniversary was a big deal to Jed. 40 years was a long time to have sustained such an intense and occasionally volatile relationship as the one he had with Leo. In recent years it had slipped into something very comfortable but there had been times over the past four decades when it hadn't always been so easy. What had sustained them throughout their long association was the fundamental knowledge that they loved each other and had a connection with each other that was as inexplicable as it was intoxicating. Their relationship was as necessary to their lives as the air they breathed and the food they ate.

"Forty years. God that makes me feel old," Leo commented, his eyes crinkling up at the edges as he smiled at his lover.

"You are old, Leo. You're lucky I don't ditch you for one of those bright young things we employ," Jed commented.

"Ah, so which one would you pick if you had a choice?" Leo bantered, grinning widely. "Let me guess – how about Sam?"

"Why Sam?"

"He's a good looking kid, and you seem to have a thing with him."

"I do not have a thing with Sam!" Jed protested.

"Sure you do. You're always dropping by to give him little pep talks. You so have a thing with Sam."

"If I have a thing with Sam it's an entirely proper and above-board paternal thing," Jed countered. "Unlike the thing you have with Josh."

"I do not have a thing with Josh!" Leo complained, sounding outraged. "My god, he's just a kid!"

"So is Sam. Perhaps we can both agree that we have entirely respectful mentoring-type feelings towards both Josh and Sam and leave it at that," Jed grinned, knowing neither of them was being remotely serious.

"Hmmm, maybe Josh and Sam have a thing with each other," Leo commented with a sly grin.

"Well, that'd be nice for them but I doubt it," Jed shrugged.

"Why not?"

"Because not everybody is as lucky as we are, Leo," Jed said softly. "I don't think relationships like this come along that often. I don't think broad-minded wives, and a strength of companionship and depth of emotion this powerful, lasting for this long, are the norm. I think we're lucky – very lucky. I know you always laugh at me for insisting that we celebrate this particular anniversary every year but we have a rare thing, Leo, and I don't ever want to take that for granted."

Leo gazed at him silently, his blue eyes full of emotion, but he said nothing. Instead he grunted, and then pulled his gaze away and glanced around the room.

"The candles aren't so bad," he commented.

Jed smiled to himself.

June 17th, 1993

Jed sat at his desk in his study reading through some papers. He glanced at the clock with a scowl of annoyance. It was nearly 8pm and Leo was long overdue. His lover had been scheduled to arrive earlier in the afternoon to spend a few days with Jed at the New Hampshire residence – Abbey had taken the girls on an educational trip to Washington to tour all the museums on purpose in order to facilitate Jed and Leo having a few days together. Jed wasn't unduly worried – he knew Leo worked hard and might have been delayed getting away but all the same it had been 21 years since Leo had last showed up late for their anniversary and he felt a slight knot of foreboding in his gut. Last time this had happened, something bad had been going on with Leo – did his lateness this evening presage something similar?

Jed glanced at the faded photo he kept on his desk of two boys talking animatedly at the Boy's Nation summer camp nearly 30 years previously and smiled. They'd had their ups and downs over the years but their relationship was still as strong as ever.

When Leo had finally been discharged from the Air Force he'd stayed with Jed and Abbey for awhile. That hadn't been easy but Abbey had been 100% behind Jed on the need to support Leo during a difficult time. Slowly but surely Jed had been able to work some kind of magic with Leo. He drew his friend out of the shell he had withdrawn into, got Leo involved in the local political scene, and introduced him to some influential people in the area. Leo's beliefs had returned, but Jed was never entirely sure that his confidence had. Leo had always been so sure of everything, but now there seemed to be a bitter, nagging, nugget of self-doubt at the back of his still sharp and inquiring mind. Finally he'd grown tired of trespassing on Jed's territory and had taken himself off to Washington DC to make full use of his law degree and get involved in the politics there. He had made a lot of money in law but his real passion had always been politics and after many years his career had culminated in him being appointed Secretary of Labor – a job that Jed had heard he was exceptionally good at. Their paths crossed politically a few times, and they still met regularly to talk, to make love, and to renew their friendship. However long it was between their meetings, Jed always felt the same way whenever he saw Leo; his skin always tingled, and the knowing, sparkling light in Leo's blue eyes always made him want to tear his friend's clothes from his body and make wild, abandoned love to him. Later they would always talk, talk, talk - arguing passionately, disagreeing, agreeing, but always in the spirit of intense intellectual debate. Even when they disagreed profoundly it never affected their friendship – they were too close and appreciated each other's intellect too much for that.

Jed had been delighted when Leo had phoned him soon after leaving New Hampshire and told him that he wanted him to meet someone.

"Her name's Jenny and I asked her to marry me," he said, sounding both bashful and happy at the same time. "The poor girl must be crazy because she said yes."

"Leo, that's fantastic news!" Jed said, and he'd meant it despite the little knife of jealousy that had twisted in his gut. He had always been the jealous type – more jealous than Leo, whose pragmatic approach to politics also extended to his love life. "We must meet her! Bring her to dinner soon."

Leo had practically brought her straight over and Jed had found Jenny shy but eager to please. She didn't possess anything like Abbey's intellect, but she did have a warm, homely quality to her that Jed could understand Leo being attracted to. She didn't want a career – she wanted to stay home and take care of Leo, and Jed could understand that too. He knew all too well what she saw in Leo McGarry – the deep core of vulnerability hidden beneath the brusque, sharp-eyed, pragmatic exterior. Oh yes, he knew exactly what attracted Jenny to Leo McGarry, from the way Leo could make you feel as if you were the only person in the room worth listening to by the intensity of his stare, to the way his hands and tongue made love to every inch of your body, claiming it for his own. There had been a slight wariness in Jenny's eyes when she'd been introduced to Jed, and though he did his best to put her at her ease, he sensed that there was something about him that she disliked, or distrusted.

"So," he'd asked Leo after they'd eaten, when they were alone together, both women having retired to bed. "You've told her about us?"

"Yes." Leo nodded. "I told her as soon as we started getting serious. I said our relationship was non-negotiable and if that bothered her then we'd best split up before one of us got hurt. She had some problems with it at first but…I think she got over those." Leo shrugged. Jed shook his head – he knew that Leo didn't feel jealousy in the same way he did, and, he suspected, the way Jenny did. Leo hadn't seen the look in Jenny's eyes when they'd first been introduced but Jed had, and he understood it all too well. Back off, it had told him, making it clear she saw him as a rival for Leo's affections. Jenny would share Leo if this was the only way to have him, but only so long as his relationship with Jed never threatened her place as Queen Bee in his life.

The marriage had been fine for awhile – Jed had been the first person a deliriously happy and excited Leo phoned when his daughter, Mallory was born barely 9 months after the wedding - but afterwards Jed got the feeling that things weren't going so well between Jenny and Leo. Leo never said anything but Jed knew he worked himself too hard and also that he was drinking again – never a good sign with Leo. The last few times Jed had seen his friend Leo's drinking had bothered him enough to chide Leo gently about it – but Leo had downplayed Jed's concerns and Jed wasn't sure how much he should interfere. Leo's drinking certainly didn't seem to affect his career, which went from strength to strength, but that hollow, shadowed look was still there in his eyes; if Jed was honest he knew it had never entirely gone away after Vietnam. He knew Leo still occasionally suffered from back pain from the injuries he'd sustained in 'Nam, and he wondered if he drank partly in order to deal with that.

They'd both done well – Leo's sharp mind and ability with money had meant that he'd built up a tidy fortune, and Jed sometimes, in his more distrustful moments, suspected that was why Jenny stayed, although he was aware that might just be his jealous mind doing her a disservice. Jed's money worries had eased after his father died, bequeathing a fair amount of money to his son – certainly enough for Jed to capitalise on, particularly as Abbey's career had taken off, and they were both earning good money. Later he had achieved his own career success, with a Nobel prize for Economics under his belt, a tenure at Dartmouth and, finally, the governorship of New Hampshire which helped him feel that he had gone some way at least to realising his earlier political ambitions, even if it wasn't anywhere near the lofty heights he and Leo had dreamed about all those years ago at the Boy's Nation Camp.

Through it all, his relationship with Leo had remained a constant in his life – Jed still got excited every June knowing that they'd have at least a night together, and hopefully a couple of days; in this busy time when they both had families and high powered jobs that took up all their energy, it was a relief to touch base and just relax with each other, especially when their meetings had become so few and far between…which made Jed all the more annoyed that Leo was late. He glanced at the clock again, torn between anxiety and annoyance. Supposing Leo had had an accident? Supposing…Jed didn't even like to think about it, but supposing his friend had been drinking and then had driven on down here? He didn't think Leo would drive if he was drunk, but Leo's drinking was spiralling out of control and Jed often worried that he would make a mistake one day, and slip up as a result of his alcoholism…because that's what it was. He had flinched away from saying so directly to Leo's face, but it was getting to the stage where he knew he'd have to say something. At that moment the phone rang, breaking into his reverie.

"Bartlet," Jed answered, hoping it was Leo.

"Jed?" The voice on the other end of the line sounded strangely fragile and Jed's mood changed immediately to one of concern.

"Leo – where are you?"

"I…I'm not sure. Jed…I've…my wallet has been stolen. Someone jumped me from behind," Leo said.

"Christ – Leo, are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I have a bump on my head from where I fell but it's nothing serious."

"Leo, you must know where you are!"

"I'm close. I stopped for a drink on the way," Leo told him. "Then…I was going to get a taxi the rest of the way, Jed, I wasn't going to drive."

"Oh hell, Leo, are you drunk?" Jed demanded. "Why the hell did you need to stop for a drink on the way when you knew you'd be here soon? Damnit, Leo!" It suddenly occurred to Jed how very close to the edge Leo must be if he couldn't even make their anniversary without needing a drink.

"There's a bar called…Raymonds? And a restaurant with a big red, plastic chicken outside," Leo said. "There's a motel too – I'm in the motel parking lot."

"Okay - I know where you are," Jed said. "Hold on there, Leo. I'll be about 20 minutes."

It was pouring with rain as he got into the car and drove to his rescue mission, torn between anxiety and anger towards his old friend. He found Leo sitting in the motel parking lot, the purple bruise on his forehead dissected down the middle by a small red cut oozing blood, the rain plastering his greying hair to the side of his face. Jed got out of the car and checked Leo over anxiously – and it was only when he was sure that his friend was fine that his anxiety spilled over into anger for what seemed to him to have been an entirely unnecessary incident.

"Get in the car," he said brusquely. Rightly judging the level of Jed's anger, Leo didn't so much as attempt an apology. He just gave a faintly sheepish smile and climbed into the car, reeking of alcohol and cigarette smoke and the musty smell of damp coat.

"We will talk about this, Leo," Jed promised. "If you think I'm going to stand by and watch you screw up your life then you've got another think coming.

"Yes, Jed," Leo sighed wearily, resting his head on the window, and staring out at the rain-swept landscape outside, looking like a half-drowned puppy waiting to be kicked.

"And don't think you can do that cute, vulnerable thing either," Jed admonished. "You always do this, Leo, always make us feel that we have to protect you from the consequences of your drinking or that we're not allowed to say anything about it. Well I'm not doing it any more. This time you face up to it."

"Yes, Jed," Leo agreed, way too easily.

"I mean it, Leo. I'm not just talking – this time I'm really going to make you face yourself. Christ, I can't believe you did this on our anniversary. Why the hell did you stop for a drink when you knew you were coming to me?"

"I don't know. I just felt like one."

"So this means we have to spend the entire evening arguing instead of having sex and that makes me doubly pissed off, Leo," Jed snapped.

"We don't have to spend the evening arguing – we could skip straight to the sex," Leo commented hopefully.

"In your condition I doubt you're even capable," Jed replied scathingly.

"I've been capable when I've been in a hell of a lot worse condition than this," Leo riposted.

"Well more fool whoever you were with at the time then because frankly the thought of kissing you when you stink of alcohol and you can't even stand up straight is not all that alluring, Leo."

"Oh, fine. I really don't care," Leo groused, banging his head against the window again. Outside the rainfall had turned into a full-blown thunderstorm, the skies as dark and glowering as Jed's mood. They drove the rest of the way in silence. Leo got out when they reached the governor's mansion and walked very slowly, and very deliberately up the steps, clearly wanting to prove that he wasn't as drunk as Jed was making out. Jed watched him with a bitter expression on his face. He knew exactly how drunk Leo was – there wasn't anything he didn't know about Leo McGarry. He followed Leo into the house, put a hand on his friend's shoulder, and propelled him angrily into the kitchen.

"Sit down," he ordered curtly, shoving Leo into a chair. Leo sat, and then rose again.

"I need to go to the bathroom," he muttered.

"I said, SIT DOWN!" Jed roared. Leo glared at him mutely for a moment, rebellion radiating from his hard blue eyes, and then sat. Jed turned on the faucet, poured Leo a large glass of water and thumped it down on the table. "Drink it," he ordered. Leo glared at him again but lifted the glass reluctantly to his lips all the same. Jed looked in the kitchen cupboards for the medicine box that he knew Abbey kept somewhere in the general environs. All the family's medical ailments were dealt with by his wife and for some inexplicable reason she chose to store the box in the cupboard in which Jed felt it least belonged. He located it with much cursing and then slammed the cupboard door shut. Leo winced. Jed ignored him and began running some water in a basin. He grabbed a cotton ball out of the box, soaked it in the water, and then returned to the table.

"Hold still," he said curtly, grabbing Leo's head in his hands and applying the cotton ball none too gently to his friend's wounded head.

"Ow! Fuck, Jed," Leo complained, pulling away.

"I said, hold still. I have virtually zero patience with you right now, Leo McGarry so do as you're damn well told," Jed told him sharply. Leo submitted to Jed pulling his head back and bathing the cut thoroughly, before covering it with a band-aid.

"It's just a small cut – but you're lucky that you don't need stitches," Jed growled. "Did you get a look at whoever robbed you?"

"No." Leo shrugged. "I told you they jumped me from behind."

"I expect they saw you drinking yourself stupid and thought you'd make an easy target once you left the bar," Jed told him. "Stay here and don't move. I'm going to call the police."

"Oh don't fucking bother. They're not going to find this guy now," Leo snapped.

"I don't care – a crime has been committed and I happen to believe that's a bad thing that should be reported to the authorities whether or not the victim was damn well asking for it or not," Jed rapped back.

"Well I don't want to talk to the police," Leo retorted.

"Right now I don't give a flying fuck what you want, Leo," Jed told him. "But somehow I doubt they're going to drag all the way out here in a thunderstorm to take the statement of a deadbeat alcoholic so you'll probably get your own way on that." His tone made it clear that that was the only thing he intended Leo to get his own way on this evening.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just keep talking, Jed. That's what you're good at," Leo growled at him, clearly stung by the alcoholic comment. "I've never known anyone have so much to say and so little worth listening to."

"And I've never known anyone have so much trouble hearing one simple truth!" Jed shot back.

"And what fucking truth is that, Jed?" Leo sneered.

"That you're an alcoholic," Jed said quietly. "That you need help. That if you continue drinking like this you'll kill yourself. That you can't stay in denial any more because I won't damn well let you!"

"That's four things, Jed. Can't even keep that simple can you?" Leo growled. "I want to leave." He got up, and then hung onto the table, unsteadily, as he swayed.

"Yeah, right." Jed gave a bitter laugh. "You can't drive – you can't even walk right now, Leo and I'm not getting you a goddamn taxi. You are going to stay here and we are going to work this out whether it takes all tonight and all tomorrow to do it."

"There you go being dramatic again," Leo replied with a laugh of his own. "Don't be ridiculous, Jed. You can't keep me here. This is the Governor's mansion for god's sake."

"I wouldn't care if it was the White House," Jed shot back, "you're not moving until I say we're done, Leo."

"No, I'm going to say it. We're done, Jed!" Leo shouted. "We're done. We're through. We're over. I'm going." He began walking towards the door. Jed stepped in front of him.

"You'd rather walk out on thirty years of friendship than admit you're an alcoholic?" Jed asked. "You love liquor more than you love me, or Jenny, or Mallory?" Jed leaned in close, incandescent with anger.

"Get out of my way, Jed," Leo snarled.

To be fair, Jed always remembered that it was he who made the first move in this fight. He put his hands out and shoved Leo back. Leo reacted angrily, flailing out with his fists and pushing Jed off balance. Seriously furious now, Jed grabbed Leo around the waist and tried to physically force him back onto the chair. Leo grabbed Jed around the back of the neck and tried to pull him forward to throw him off balance. Jed gave a howl of pain and Leo elbowed Jed aside, and reached for the handle of the door.

"You don't damn well walk out on me, Leo!" Jed yelled, grabbing Leo's shoulder and swinging him around…and a few seconds later something very hard made contact with the side of his face, and he felt himself going down. He landed on the floor in a heap, aware of a dull, throbbing pain in his jaw. The room swam for a moment and when it finally came to a halt he found himself looking into Leo's shocked and horrified eyes.

"Oh shit. Jed…I'm sorry. Are you okay?" Leo slumped down on the floor beside him and took his face in his hands. "Jed? Jed?!" He said frantically.

"I'm fine…just a bit dazed…" Jed replied, shaking his head to try and clear it, pushing Leo's hands away. "That's one hell of a right hook you've got there, Leo."

"You're bleeding. Oh Christ." Leo looked around helplessly. Jed put his hand gingerly up to his face and found the blood dripping down the side of his chin. His mouth felt strange and he worked the jaw a couple of times to make sure it wasn't broken and then ran his tongue gingerly around his teeth – and found one of them wobbling precariously.

"Damnit, Leo. You broke one of my teeth," he complained, reaching inside his mouth to find the loose tooth beyond repair. It came out in his hands and he held the bloodied stalk up for Leo to see. Leo just sat there, looking utterly stunned and then he buried his face in his hands. Jed gazed at him for a long time, and then rested his head back against the kitchen cupboard that he was propped up against.

"Oh shit," he said.

Finally, after several long minutes, he reached out with a sigh, clapped his hand roughly around Leo's neck, and drew him close.

Jed wasn't sure how long they sat there, sprawled in a messy heap of tangled limbs and bloodied shirts, Leo's shaking body clasped against his own chest. Outside the storm raged unabated but inside he thought that maybe things had calmed down a bit. There was still a long way to go though. After what had to be at least an hour of total silence, Leo took a long, shuddering sigh, and sat up. He winced as he looked at Jed's blood stained face, but to his credit he didn't look away. He just stared, glumly, at Jed for what seemed like another hour. Still neither man spoke. Then, eventually, Leo ducked his head slightly.

"If you want me to leave then I'll go," he whispered.

"If I want you to leave?!" Jed snapped, still managing to sound furious despite the fact that his jaw ached and his mouth felt weird. "Leo, we just had this fight because I don't damn well want you to leave! So no! Do not, under any circumstances, leave, because I promise you that if you go now then I'll never forgive you."

"Okay." Leo whispered with a slight shrug of his shoulders. "D'you think that maybe we should get up now?"

"I don't think I can move right at this precise moment," Jed replied. His entire body felt like a sack of potatoes and he ached in places he didn't even know existed.

"Hah." Leo gave a short, bitter mirthless laugh.

"What?" Jed raised an eyebrow. "You're finding this funny, Leo?"

"No – just thinking that somehow, and I don't know how, you always manage to manoeuvre yourself onto the moral high ground. Bastard." Leo made a face.

"You obviously have something to say – why don't you get it all off your chest?" Jed suggested, in a slightly dangerous tone.

"Why not? You want to talk about my drinking and that's fine, but let's also talk about your insufferable smugness, Jed. Is there anything in your life that doesn't come up smelling of fucking roses?" Leo growled.

"I don't know why you're complaining. What have I got that you don't have?" Jed replied. "You have a powerful job – you're Secretary of Labor for god's sake! You're an extremely wealthy man, you have a bea