“Dad?” Tony glanced up from his work in surprise as his father exited the elevator. It was a Friday night and most people had rushed off early, so Tony was alone in the squad room.

“Son!” Senior strode over to him.

“Uh…what are you doing here? I wasn’t expecting you until later. Our dinner reservation isn’t until eight.”

“I got in early, so I thought I’d go to your apartment, but it seems you’ve moved.” Senior waved a hand in the air, looking puzzled. “Some pretty young thing has moved in there instead. Unless…” Senior gave a leering grin, “Is there something you want to tell me, Junior? Was that young lady in the fetching pink bathrobe who is now living in your apartment the new Mrs. DiNozzo on the block?”

“No, Dad,” Tony said with a grimace. “I moved! I told you about it. I sent you an email with my new address.”

“Really? I don’t remember that. Then again, I am a very busy man. But, you know, this raises an important matter that I’ve been meaning to discuss with you, son. When is there going to be a new Mrs. DiNozzo on the block? You’re nearly forty – it’s time you settled down.”

“Well, Dad…that’s why I invited you out to dinner tonight. See, I’ve got something to tell you, and I thought…”

At that moment, Gibbs walked into the squad room.

“Gibbs!” Senior greeted him like a long-lost friend, pumping his hand enthusiastically, even though Tony knew for a fact there wasn’t much love lost between them. “Good to see you looking so well.” Senior took a step back and viewed Gibbs’s blue silk shirt and well ironed chinos with a little whistle. “Hmm, you really are looking well. Did you get married again, you old dog?” He thumped Gibbs on the arm and shot him a sly wink.

“Dad!” Tony said, in an agonised tone.

“Because, no offence, but it looks like your wardrobe has come under new management, and it’s a huge improvement. Nice shirt.” Senior fingered Gibbs’s shirt sleeve approvingly.

“Thank you, sir.” Gibbs grinned at him, while gently extricating his arm at the same time. “I did recently get hitched again as a matter of fact.”

“I knew it! I can tell when a man is being well taken care of, if you know what I mean!” Senior gave a frankly filthy wink, and Tony wanted to sink through the floor in embarrassment. “You know, in the bedroom,” Senior said, with another lewd wink, as if his meaning wasn’t already clear enough.

Gibbs laughed out loud. “Marrying again was the best thing I’ve ever done. Don’t know why it took me so long. I guess I’m just a stubborn idiot who was too set in his ways to see the good thing right under his nose, just waiting for him to sit up and take notice.” He grinned at Tony over Senior’s shoulder.

‘And the new Mrs. Gibbs – is she a looker?” Senior nudged Gibbs conspiratorially. “I bet she is!”

“Dad!” Tony got up and went over to his father, desperate to stop this before it got even worse – if that was possible.

“I’ve just been telling Junior here that he needs to get married.” Senior pointed his finger at Tony. “I know that Wendy girl broke his heart, but that was years ago.”

“Dad, see – this is what I’ve been trying to tell you…”

“Not a sniff of a wedding since. I tell you, sometimes I’ve even wondered if my boy plays for the other team.” Senior shook his head. “Look, Tony, you can’t keep sulking just because some piece of skirt handed back your ring years ago.” He clapped Tony on the arm. “You’ve gotta get out there and find yourself a wife! Marriage isn’t easy, but if I can do it, and Gibbs here can do it, then you can too.”

“I have! I did! I am!” Tony protested.

“You should follow Gibbs’s example,” Senior said, still in full ‘lecture mode’. Tony was familiar with this from when he was growing up. When Senior was lecturing him, he expected Tony to stand silently and listen until he was done – he didn’t expect to do any listening of his own.

“Gibbs has been married four times already but did that stop him going out there and finding the fifth Mrs. Gibbs? No, it didn’t.” Senior shook his head emphatically. “See, what you have to realise, son….”

But Tony wasn’t a boy anymore, and he didn’t have to just stand here and take it. “Dad! I am the fifth Mrs. Gibbs!” he yelled.

Senior stopped in mid-sentence. “What?” His mouth flapped open and then closed in stunned surprise.

“Okay, so that wasn’t exactly how I meant to tell you, but…we got married, Dad. Me and Gibbs. A couple of months ago. I didn’t invite you to the wedding because, well, you never invite me to any of yours. That’s why I moved. I moved in with Jethro. And by the way, I play for both teams – always have.”

“The fifth…what?” Senior stood there, his gaze flicking in disbelief from Tony to Gibbs and then back again.

“Yeah, the new Mrs. Gibbs is definitely a looker.” Gibbs put his arm around Tony, pulled him in close, and kissed his cheek. “Oh, and yes, he does take very good care of me in the bedroom.” He gave a sly wink.

“You…what?” Senior’s mouth continued to flap open and shut like a fish.

“I thought you’d be pleased to have a new son.” Tony put his arm around Gibbs’s waist and held on tight for support. He’d been dreading this moment but now it was finally here, there was no going back. He wasn’t prepared to hide anymore, and it was time his father knew the truth about his sexuality. “Considering what a disappointment the old son is to you, I thought you’d appreciate a new one,“ he added bitterly.

Senior pulled himself up to his full height and glared at him. “Well, I’m disappointed, Junior,” he growled.

Tony’s heart sank. He had expected this – his father was a dinosaur who loved the ladies too much to understand how any son of his could be anything other than 100% straight.

“Because I married another man?” Tony demanded hotly. “Well, I’m sorry, Dad, but I’ve been in love with Jethro for years and frankly my happiness comes before your homophobia, so…”

“Oh, I don’t care about that!” Senior waved a hand dismissively in the air. “That’s not the problem,” he said irritably. “Damn it, I thought I’d drummed into you that marriage is a merger, Junior! It’s about making a good business deal. You’re a handsome boy – you could have found yourself a nice senator or businessman – someone with money and contacts. Not a washed up, ageing fed, with several ex-wives and a hell of a lot of alimony to pay.” He shot a withering glance in Gibbs’s direction.

Gibbs gave a growling laugh and now it was Tony’s turn to gape. Gibbs squeezed Tony’s hand reassuringly and planted a little kiss on his stunned lips.

“You know what,” Gibbs said, turning back to Senior. “I might not have any money for you to tap for one of your investment schemes, but I think this is one merger that is going to turn out just fine…Dad.”

The End