Coming Home: 10. Trust


The next few days were no better. Rodney found that even work wasn’t the distraction it had once been. Now he couldn’t concentrate on anything but thoughts of John. They went on another mission and Rodney relished the time they spent together, just the two of them, bickering away at every opportunity, every slightest accidental touch red hot and electric.


Rodney didn’t know how much longer this could continue. He felt like he was burning up and his brain, usually so good at providing him with solutions, was useless in this situation. They met a primitive race called the Genii, who turned out not to be as primitive (or as friendly) as they’d first thought, and John saved their lives with some forward thinking that involved two cloaked puddle jumpers coming to their rescue in the nick of time.


“Hey, you could have let us in on your whole secret rescue plan, Colonel,” Ford groused with a grin as they returned home. “I was starting to wonder if I’d have to panic for a moment there.”


“Oh I knew the Colonel had something up his sleeve,” Rodney said smugly.


“Really?” John raised an eyebrow. “So you’re saying you always trust me to save our asses?”


Rodney shrugged. “Well, you do seem to have been making a habit of it lately.”


John smiled and shook his head, then he put his hand on Rodney’s arm and Rodney felt a familiar surge of electricity at the touch. “So, you trust me with your life but not your heart?” he murmured in Rodney’s ear.


Rodney froze, but John just gave him a meaningful look and then strode away. Rodney gazed after him, stricken. John had a point. Rodney *did* trust him to get them out of difficult situations. He wasn’t exactly a slouch himself when it came to rescuing their collective asses, but John did it calmly, with much less fanfare, and there was something reassuring about that. Rodney doubted that his own more volatile behaviour reassured the team much, even despite his obvious brilliance, but John always kept his cool and pulled them out of one scrape after another, with a kind of lazy efficiency that belied the effort that was involved. Rodney had started, slowly, and without realising it, to trust that John would take care of them, and that surprised him of and by itself.


Trust. Everything always boiled down to this issue of trust that John kept going on about. Rodney returned to his lab but his mind wasn’t on his work. He couldn’t get John’s words out of his head. If he trusted the man to save his life, why couldn’t he trust him to be a safe top? Even as he thought that, Rodney knew that being a safe top wasn’t the real issue here. John Sheppard was no Bates – he wasn’t pressurising Rodney, or trying to blackmail him into his bed. He was just asking Rodney to let go, and throw himself into something on blind trust alone – and Rodney was hanging on as tightly as he knew how to all the defences he’d built up around himself a very long time ago. If he let John through then he’d have nothing to protect himself with, and John was asking him to trust that he wouldn’t need any protection, and that was the hardest thing of all.


“I can’t do it,” Rodney murmured to himself.


“What cannot be done?” Radek asked, passing by and glancing at Rodney’s work screen. “McKay!” he exclaimed, pointing at the screen. There was a shuddering sound and the lights went off in the lab, and, too late, Rodney realised that he wasn’t paying attention to the experiment he was running on the city’s power supply.


“What have you done? Now we must repair!” Radek was exclaiming.


“It won’t take long,” Rodney bristled, hating the fact he’d messed up. “I’ll just…” he fumbled around in the dark and managed to get the emergency power online.


“You were not concentrating,” Radek hissed to him in a low tone. “That is how this happened. You have not been concentrating for days now. It’s dangerous.”


“Nonsense. Of course I’ve been concentrating!” Rodney snapped, glancing around the room, wondering just how transparent he’d been if Radek had noticed his behaviour. Radek put a warning hand on his arm.


“No. You have not. Now, your mind is elsewhere, and you must sort this out before you touch the systems again, yes?”


Rodney glared at him. “Oh please. I can do this stuff in my sleep!” he growled.


“Well that is maybe the problem,” Radek replied. “You do not look to me as if you have been sleeping very much lately, hmm? You should see Dr Beckett.”


“There’s nothing wrong with me!” Rodney protested, because the last thing he wanted was Carson poking his nose in and offering him unwanted advice.


“Go and see him, or…or I will tell my Lady Elizabeth that you are not fit to work at the moment,” Radek said, flushing as he said that, clearly a little bit scared to be issuing ultimatums to his boss – especially as that boss was Rodney. Rodney gazed at him, aghast. “I mean it,” Radek said, more firmly this time. “You are distracted, and next time it could be a more volatile system that you screw up.”


“I don’t screw up,” Rodney said, and at that moment the emergency lighting flickered, belying his protest. Radek raised an eyebrow. Rodney sighed. “Okay. Fine,” he muttered. “I’ll go and see Carson.”


He left the lab, feeling irritated with Radek and angry with himself for letting his personal situation get in the way of his work. This couldn’t go on! He was exhausted having this hanging over him the entire time. John, on the other hand, seemed completely at peace with the whole thing. He was wandering around as fresh as a daisy, and seemed happy to just wait until Rodney figured out what to do. The trouble was that Rodney didn’t have a clue what to do.


Rodney returned to his quarters. He took a shower, ignoring how his cock kept trying to rise up every time he thought of John. He wasn’t going to pander to it – he was trying to *forget* about the whole John situation and he didn’t think masturbating to fantasies about the colonel was really going to help him with that.


Afterwards he tried to take a nap, but the minute he closed his eyes his brain started working overtime, and all he could think about was the unresolved situation with his top. Finally he gave up, and, exasperated, he pulled on some clothes and stomped off to the infirmary.


“Carson, give me some sleeping tablets,” he ordered imperiously upon his arrival. Carson glanced up, startled.


“You’re having trouble sleeping, Rodney?” he queried. Rodney rolled his eyes.


“No, I want the tablets because I have a cold,” he said sarcastically. “Yes I’m having trouble sleeping, Carson! Now hand them over.” He clicked his fingers, hoping that he could steamroller Carson into giving them to him without asking questions but really, he was insane if he thought that was ever going to happen.


Carson just sat back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t think so, do you, laddie?” he said. “Now come and sit down and tell me what’s going on, and then we’ll decide about the tablets.”


“Nothing’s going on. I just can’t sleep,” Rodney growled.


“Aye, and last time you couldn’t sleep you ended up spinning out of control and the entire base suffered for it – and so did you. So, I repeat, come and sit down over here and tell me what’s going on,” Carson said firmly. Rodney glared at him.


“God I hate tops,” he snapped, and then he turned on his heel and walked out of the infirmary.


He returned to his room, agitated, unable to calm himself down. He felt like he was being boxed into a corner, first by Radek, and then by Carson. Dammit, he was perfectly capable of doing his job! He needed his job! He needed somewhere to be able to escape to in his head – although he had to admit that lately not even his work was providing him with the distraction he needed, as thoughts of John permeated his every waking moment. And in his current state of insomnia that pretty much meant every single second of his life.


Rodney sat down at his table, and gazed at the wall. Things had been so difficult since they’d arrived in the Pegasus Galaxy. He knew they were all worried about him, knew that his track record of late hadn’t been exactly great. He was up and down, and all over the place, and he couldn’t exactly blame Radek for threatening to speak to Elizabeth. After that series of spectacular public screw ups and resulting punishments they must all be wondering when the next Rodney McKay explosion would come. It was irritating because he’d been feeling so much better of late and had no intention of screwing up again.


Rodney got up, and paced around the room. It was getting late, and it was dark outside. He went over to the window and opened it. He had grown to love the sound of the ocean since arriving here. He stared out into the inky night sky, and recalled the sensation of lying on a warm sandy beach with John Sheppard sitting astride him, his handsome face outlined against the blue sky, the sun shining in his tousled black hair, surrounding him in a halo of light. The light summer breeze had caught and billowed in John’s shirt, revealing a portion of hairy chest and stomach. Rodney swallowed convulsively as he remembered how John had held his arms above his head and kissed him, and how that had made his entire body tingle with excitement.


John Sheppard was a good man, everyone said that. True, Rodney could see a glimpse of something dark inside the man, but that seemed to spring from his need to protect and it didn’t scare Rodney – in fact it gave the colonel an attractive edge, something that stopped him from being too impossibly perfect. He was smart, handsome, witty, popular…and he was in love with Rodney. He’d said it. Rodney still couldn’t wrap his head around *that*. Some part of him wondered if it was a kind of cosmic joke, and yet he couldn’t doubt the colonel’s sincerity. John Sheppard loved him, for whatever reason, and was Rodney really going to turn down that kind of love just because he was too afraid to trust?


When had anyone ever loved him before, let alone someone like John Sheppard? His love life to date had been a disaster, and he’d developed extremely low expectations as a result. The idea of someone like John Sheppard loving him had just never factored into his thoughts before but was that any reason to be suspicious of the man?


Rodney was trembling as he got up, and walked towards the door. He had never trusted anyone in his life, and he felt as vulnerable as a turtle without its shell, naked and exposed.


He walked slowly down the hallway, and found himself outside John’s door. He took a deep breath, knocked, and then waited…but there was no reply. John wasn’t there.


Rodney gave a little groan, partly relief and partly disappointment, and rested his head against the door. To his surprise, it started to slide open. Rodney frowned – all the doors were keyed to respond only to their occupant’s DNA. He looked inside, but the room seemed to be completely empty.


“John?” He stepped into the room and the door slid silently shut behind him. Rodney gazed around the room but there was no sign of the colonel. The room was neat – the bed made, no clutter, everything tidied away – it was a little different to the mess in his own quarters.


Rodney walked over to the nightstand, and looked at the picture of John’s parents again, his fingers trembling as he reached out to touch the glass frame. They looked so happy and in love. John knew that kind of love existed – that’s why he believed that he and Rodney could have it too. Rodney had no such belief – this was just another thing that John was asking him to take on trust.


Rodney felt a cold sweat rise to the surface of his skin. Supposing he got this wrong? Supposing he wasn’t what John wanted him to be, and it all ended badly?


He found himself walking back over to the door, and he hung there, in the doorway, arms outstretched as he fought his impulse to flee. He stayed there for several minutes, getting himself under control, and then he turned back into the room again.


He wanted this. He wanted to at least try. For all his faults, when Rodney McKay set his mind to something he threw himself into it, heart and soul, and this was no different. He’d give it his best shot, and trust that it would work out. Wasn’t that all John was asking of him anyway?


He sat down at the table, and wrapped his arms around his body, trying to calm himself. He was so agitated he felt physically sick, and wondered if he was going to actually throw up. He rocked himself back and forth, trying to hold onto the reasons why he was here.


This was a big deal for him – it wasn’t casual, or easy, like sex had so often been. It was bigger than that, and it scared him. He was as freaked out as he’d ever been right now, and that was saying something after his recent experiences with the Wraith.


At that moment the door slid open, and John walked into the room. Rodney’s heart did a massive somersault in his chest and he almost passed out from the sensation. John was wearing a pair of black leather pants and a loose black shirt. There were leather wristbands on his arms, that silver thunderbolt earring dangling from his ear, and his hair was as perfectly tousled as ever.


“Rodney.” John paused by the door, gazing at him in surprise, and then his expression changed to one of concern as he took in Rodney’s condition. “Are you okay?”


“No I’m…I’m sorry. You weren’t here, and the door just opened so I came in,” Rodney babbled. “I have no idea why it opened. Perhaps I should check the mechanism for you to make sure it isn’t broken.”


“That’s okay. I re-keyed it to let you in,” John told him with a shrug. Rodney frowned, confused.




“Because you’re my sub, and I want you to be able to come and go as you want,” John said patiently.


Rodney started to shake again because now it was all starting to feel too real. John came over to him, and crouched down in front of him.


“It’s okay, sweetheart,” he said softly, putting his hands on Rodney’s knees.


“I’m scared,” Rodney admitted, gazing at him. John seemed to know what this was all about because those hazel eyes of his were kind and sympathetic – and sort of relieved too.


“I know.” John rubbed his hands gently over Rodney’s thighs, calming him. Rodney wasn’t sure why John’s touch always calmed him down but it did.


“Trust is a big deal for me,” Rodney confided, because it was really important to him that John understood that. John smiled.


“I know – that’s why I promise you I won’t ever abuse that trust,” he said softly.


“I came here because there just didn’t seem to be anywhere left to go,” Rodney said miserably. He felt stupid and weak, and this whole thing seemed really sappy and he wasn’t used to that. He had always been supremely matter-of-fact and completely unsentimental about interpersonal relationships but he’d never felt like this before, and it was easy to be cynical when you didn’t care.


“That’s fine. That’s good.” John’s fingers were soothing on his legs. “You came here, to me – you came home.”


Rodney gazed at him, and found that sentiment made an odd sort of sense. Home was a place where you should feel you belonged, and he’d never felt like that growing up in his parents’ confusing household. He’d tried to make a home for Jeannie after they’d died but he wasn’t sure he’d been very good at it, although he’d genuinely done his best. Then, once she’d left home, he’d led a pretty itinerant lifestyle for several years, travelling all over the place before finally ending up here, in the Pegasus galaxy, which was as far away from home as you could get.


Strange that it should be here, then, that he finally found a place where he felt he belonged. Strange too that home should end up not being a place at all – but a person.




John stayed where he was, keeping still, anxious not to startle his skittish scientist, but inside he felt like cheering. Rodney was here! He had been surprised when he first walked through the door to find Rodney sitting at his table, looking like shit. At first, he thought they might be in for a replay of the other night, with Rodney rebellious and angry, still fighting him, but now he saw that the battle for Rodney’s heart was over and he had won, and a sensation of relief washed over him.


Rodney had finally trusted him enough to come here and give himself to him, completely and without reservation, and, knowing what a big deal that was for his sub, John felt completely humbled by that trust. He had always known this moment would come, but now that it was here he was unprepared for all the emotions that were coursing through his body.


When he was fourteen, his father, Gil, had sat him down for the dreaded ‘chat’. John had come home from school troubled, after he had lost his temper with a kid who had been following him around, pestering him, always trying to engage him in conversation – John didn’t realise at the time that the boy had a crush on him.


John was upset because his team had just lost a football game, and he felt he’d played badly and let them down, and the kid was just there, big brown eyes wide with sympathy, chattering away at him, telling him it wasn’t his fault. John had found himself angrily brushing off the hand the boy had placed on his arm, and then something had happened, some instinct, and he’d found himself pushing the boy against the wall and kissing him, hard, and it had felt so good to hold him there and kiss him until he stopped wriggling. Then, freaked out by the whole experience, John had released the kid and run home.


Gil had found him sitting in his bedroom, and John had related the whole experience to him, confused and troubled by it. Gil had just smiled that gentle smile of his, and put an arm around him.


“We knew this would happen – we were just waiting to see which way it went. Adam was on standby to deliver the other chat but I think we’ve both known for awhile that this was the way it would go,” Gil told him. “Now, I want you to listen to me, John. You have plenty of time to find out what kind of a top you are, and I’m not going to tell you how to go about that – it’s your journey and you’ll go at your own pace. I’m only going to say one thing – being a top isn’t about throwing your weight around, or hurting or abusing the subs you’ll take during the course of your life. It’s about taking responsibility for someone, about taking something that’s offered freely and treating it like the beautiful gift it is. When it works, it’s a feeling like nothing on this earth but if you ever abuse it – if you’re mean, or cruel, or capricious, or deliberately hurtful, then you’ll get all of that back in return – with interest. One day, I hope you find someone who means as much to you as Adam means to me. I want you to experience what that’s like, that sense of the total trust another human being has in you. Everything else will just be a game up to that point – you’ll know when it’s for real.”


Now, crouching here in front of Rodney, John knew what Gil had meant – about all of it. This was it – this was that ‘for real’ moment he’d been searching for all his life, and he felt as if his entire existence thus far had merely been a prelude to it.


“Hey. It’s okay.” John leaned forward, and kissed Rodney softly on the mouth. He didn’t open Rodney’s lips – he just dropped a sweet kiss on them. He could feel Rodney trembling beneath him, but he could also sense Rodney’s eagerness, and surrender. He stroked his hands along Rodney’s thighs as he kissed him, still crouched between Rodney legs. The kiss seemed to soothe and steady his shivering sub, and Rodney gradually relaxed.


Only then did John finally stand up. He smiled at his sub, and reached out a hand to draw Rodney to his feet. Rodney obeyed him instantly, and John felt a little surge of pleasure deep in his belly. Rodney looked tired and pale, and he was still shaking a little, but John thought he’d never looked more beautiful. Those blue eyes of his were shining; there was an expression of total trust in them, and it was that expression that turned him on more than anything else.


“Come here.” John pulled Rodney close, and kissed him again, gently but more forcefully than before. Rodney clung to him, his mouth opening eagerly to accept John’s questing tongue. John kissed him harder, and Rodney surrendered to him completely, his body pressed tightly against John’s. It was a beautiful, special kiss, a kiss that marked the beginning of something precious and priceless – and something that would last until the day they died. John had absolutely no doubt at all that that was the truth.


John pulled Rodney even closer, kissing him passionately. It was thrilling, exhilarating and sensual but, most of all, it just felt completely and perfectly *right*, as if the universe had just slotted into place around them. Rodney’s body felt the perfect weight in his arms, and Rodney was just the right height to kiss properly. John wondered how any other sub had ever managed to satisfy him before, because Rodney seemed so familiar to him, so completely the right shape, and size, and taste, that it was as if he’d been holding him and kissing him for a lifetime. Finally, John drew back, and he brushed his fingers gently over Rodney’s cheek.


“I’m going to undress you,” he said softly. “Don’t move – just let me do it.”


Rodney gave a tiny nod, and stood there, still shaking a little. John smiled, loving how Rodney was so responsive. He had always been amused by how every single emotion that Rodney was experiencing was reflected in those expressive eyes of his, and easily readable in his body language, and, as a top about to bed his sub for the first time, he now found that transparency extremely arousing.


Rodney was wearing a plain denim shirt, and John reached out, and undid the top button. He let his fingers linger because he wanted to savour every single moment of this. This was the first time he’d see Rodney naked, the first time he’d take him, and he wanted to etch it on his memory forever. John slid his fingers under the next button, and the next, slowly revealing a new section of bare Rodney flesh with each flick of his hand. Then, finally, the shirt was undone, and John took the edges and slowly peeled them away from Rodney’s broad chest. He pushed the fabric back over Rodney’s shoulders and down to his wrists and left it there, creating a state of semi-bondage as Rodney’s lower arms were still trapped in the garment.


Then John paused and took a moment to enjoy the sight of Rodney’s bare chest. It was covered in fine curls of brown hair – not as dark as his own chest hair, but almost as much of it. They were both pretty hairy guys. John gazed at Rodney for a long time, just drinking in the sight of him, and Rodney flushed from his neck all the way up to the roots of his brown hair. He gazed at the ground, sneaking little peaks at John from under his eyelashes in a way that John found incredibly appealing.


John couldn’t resist kissing him again, placing a finger under Rodney’s chin and drawing up his jaw in order to raise his lips to his. Rodney came willingly, his arms still trapped behind his back, and he surrendered so very sweetly to John’s deep, loving kiss. John liked the way Rodney’s naked chest felt, pressed against his own body, and he released Rodney, and took a step back, drinking in the sight of him again. He noticed that Rodney’s nipples were standing out, hard and proud, and he grinned – he’d often seen those nipples poking through Rodney’s tee shirts, and had wanted to press his mouth to them and see if they were as responsive as he suspected they were.


John reached out a lazy finger and stroked Rodney’s chest soothingly, and then passed the tip of his finger over Rodney’s left nipple, snagging it gently and stroking with his thumb. Rodney’s entire body seemed to ripple in response, and John couldn’t restrain himself; he moved in fast and took Rodney’s right nipple in his mouth. Rodney gasped, and wriggled in his grasp, but his hands were immobilised and he couldn’t push John away, even if he’d wanted to.


John held him there and sucked down gently, loving the mewling sounds that were emanating from Rodney’s throat. Then, finally, John released the nipple and stood back. Rodney was just standing there, eyes closed, lips slightly parted, moaning softly. John felt his cock harden unbearably inside its leather prison. He’d never seen a more arousing sight in his life. As he watched, Rodney’s eyes fluttered open, and he flushed again, clearly torn between arousal and embarrassment by all John’s scrutiny. John grinned and ran a fingertip over the nipple he’d just sucked, loving the way Rodney responded with another of those enticing little ripples.


“These are sensitive,” John said, aware that his voice was husky with arousal.


“God yes,” Rodney murmured.


“Good,” John said, with what he suspected was a feral grin. “I’ll enjoy torturing them a little then. Every so often I’ll tie you to the bed and play with them for hours on end, until you’re begging me to stop, and hoping the whole time that I don’t.” Rodney gave an incoherent little moan at that, so John thought he liked the sound of it.


John reached out and grabbed Rodney’s belt, anxious to continue his exploration of his sub’s body. He unfastened the belt, and then bent down and undid Rodney’s shoes. Rodney just stood there, allowing John to undress him, and he obediently lifted his legs when ordered so that John could remove his shoes and socks, and then slide his pants down his legs.


Soon Rodney was naked, except for the shirt that was tangled around his wrists. John took a step back and gazed, appreciatively, at Rodney’s cock. It wasn’t the biggest cock he’d seen, or the widest, but it was, without doubt, the most beautiful. It was smooth and perfectly curved, nestled in a bed of fine curls, and it pulsed and became semi-erect under his scrutiny. John grinned.


“How long can you hold it?” he asked. Rodney swallowed down hard.


“For as long as I’m ordered,” he replied, his eyes alight with his eagerness to show John that he wanted to surrender to him, to do whatever his top asked of him, however hard.


“Beautiful. Then hold it until I say,” John told him. Rodney nodded, looking a little bit flushed by the praise. John reached out and took that firm, perfect cock in his hand, and Rodney moaned and bucked up against him. “This is mine now,” John whispered to him, just holding Rodney’s cock in his hand.


Rodney rested his chin on John’s shoulder and nuzzled there. “I need you to understand this,” John said, the tone in his voice taking him by surprise. Rodney’s hazy, aroused eyes widened, and he looked startled. “It’s mine. Nobody gets to touch you here except me.”


Rodney gave a little smile. “I knew you were the jealous type. When we were practising that day, and you had Lorne put me in a neck lock….”


“I wanted to beat him off you with a stick,” John agreed, still a little surprised by the reactions that memory evoked in him. He’d never been the jealous type before Rodney. “I need you to understand this though, Rodney. I need that. The thought of anyone else touching you, or sucking you, or making love to you, makes me….” John felt a tide of rage sweep through him and his hand tightened around Rodney’s cock, making his sub take a sharp intake of breath.


“It’s okay. I understand,” Rodney said soothingly. “I promise that nobody else will touch me there except you.”


“Good.” John felt himself relaxing and the tension died away. He pressed a gentle kiss to Rodney’s mouth. Then he released his sub’s cock and took another step back. “Turn around, Rodney. Let me see that magnificent ass,” he ordered. Rodney took a deep breath and then turned, and John stepped forward and removed the shirt from around his wrists and threw it on the nearby chair, and then he stepped back again, and just looked.


He’d seen it before, back in the punishment room, but it hadn’t been his then. Now it was. Now it was his, and he could touch it and kiss it the way he’d wanted to back then. Rodney’s ass was undeniably beautiful – John had had a thing about it from the moment he first set eyes on Rodney, and now…now he finally got to claim his prize.


John got down on his knees and then, slowly and reverently, touched his lips to the smooth flesh. It felt divine under his lips – the flesh was soft and curving, the skin a beautiful creamy white. It was plump, but not fat, perfectly round and peachy and biteable. John drew back and pressed his hand onto one buttock, fascinated, wondering what it would be like to lightly and erotically spank this ass, and see the globes of flesh wobble beneath his fingers. He gave a groan of arousal at that thought, and pressed his mouth to Rodney’s buttocks once more, and trailed his lips over all that soft, creamy flesh. He kissed it, and then licked it, loving how it tasted and felt under his tongue.


Rodney was shivering now, surrendering beautifully to him, and John decided to test him a little, and see if that trust was as complete as he thought it was.


“I’m going to mark you,” he said, his voice throaty. Rodney glanced at him over his shoulder, his eyes wide. “I need to mark you. This ass is mine. This body is mine. I’m claiming you for my own, Rodney. I want to see my marks on you.”


Rodney gave a hazy smile, making it clear that he was happy to accept whatever marks John wanted to put on his body. John smiled back, and then cupped those luscious buttocks in his hands, trying to decide which one of them to mark. In the end he went for the right one, squeezing it in his hand first, and then leaning in to press his mouth against it. Rodney quivered slightly as John licked the skin, and then sank his teeth gently into the soft, ripe flesh. It felt so good under his teeth, so perfectly round and tender, and John deepened the bite, wanting to leave his mark. He went slowly – his aim was not to hurt Rodney, although he guessed it would cause a little discomfort, but no, what he wanted was to imprint a little piece of himself on Rodney’s skin.


Rodney gave a hiss, and rocked forward slightly on his toes, but apart from that he didn’t move. John wrapped an arm around Rodney’s thighs and pulled him closer to steady him, and then he bit down with more force. Rodney gave a little holler of pain which John ignored. He loved the way Rodney was wriggling in his grasp – trying to escape and yet also trying to do as his top had asked, and accept his bite mark onto his body. He loved the gasps and moans that Rodney was making, and the sensation of the cool flesh warming up under his warm mouth, the skin puckering between his lips into a fleshy lump. Most of all he liked the feeling of closeness and claiming – there was just him and Rodney, and this special moment when he first put his mark on his sub, and that made John want the moment to last for a very long time. Finally, regretfully, he released Rodney and rocked back to admire his handiwork. Rodney glanced over his shoulder again, and gave a ridiculously pleased little smile.


“That’s perfect,” he whispered, and John smiled and touched the mark with his fingertip, because it was. It was a beautiful red mark, and it looked just right set against all that pale skin. When he’d finished touching it, Rodney reached out a hand to rub it, and John felt a thrill of recognition at the look in his sub’s eyes. Rodney was one of those subs who loved to be marked. He knew that this mark would give Rodney pleasure throughout the coming days, and that when Rodney was working in his lab his hand would wander to the mark and linger there briefly, and that would make Rodney smile.


For now though, John flicked Rodney’s hand away. “When we’re alone together, like this, I don’t want you to touch yourself unless I tell you to,” he said. Rodney frowned down at him, a puzzled look in his eyes. “Your body is mine,” John explained. “I want to be the only one touching it – I want to know it’s all for me.”


Rodney looked a little startled by that but he nodded anyway. “I’ll try and remember,” he murmured.


“Forget and I might punish you,” John said, a provocative grin curling the corners of his mouth. Rodney’s eyes flashed, and John could see the excitement in them. “I’ll want to spank you anyway, punishment or not. This beautiful ass was made to be spanked,” John told him, and Rodney sighed, and wriggled his ass just a little in response. “Are you teasing me?” John got up and in one powerful move grabbed Rodney, turned him, and pulled him close.


Now Rodney’s naked body was pressed against John’s fully clothed one, Rodney’s erect cock nestled between them, hard and pulsing. “I think you are teasing me,” John whispered into Rodney’s neck, his hands sliding down Rodney’s naked back to rest on his equally naked bottom. “You should be careful…I’ll have to punish you now,” John told him and the way Rodney melted against him made it clear that his sub wasn’t exactly displeased by that idea. “When I’ve spanked you I’m going to fuck you,” John whispered into Rodney’s ear. Rodney stiffened, and John held him tight. He knew that Rodney had a problem with anal penetration but he’d thought about that, and he had an idea.


“Sssh,” John soothed, his hands making circles on Rodney’s solid back. “It’s okay…I want to make love to you, Rodney. I want to enter this beautiful ass, and come inside you. I have to do that, and you have to let me in. I promise I’ll make it good if you just trust me. Do you trust me?”


Rodney had started to shake again, and John stroked him firmly – he was surprised by the effect that physical contact had on Rodney. The scientist always seemed to calm down when he stroked him – it was worth knowing. John loved that Rodney wasn’t hiding his responses – there were no masks in here, tonight. Rodney had let down his guard, and wasn’t afraid to show John his fears, and John was going to take those fears seriously, and show Rodney they were groundless. Rodney gradually relaxed under his touch, and then he turned his head and nodded.


“Okay,” he whispered. “I do trust you. Do whatever you want to me – I’m yours.” It was so simply said, but it pressed every toppy button John possessed, and he claimed Rodney’s mouth with another fierce kiss.


Rodney’s lips were surprisingly soft, and John loved the way he offered himself up to his caresses, with complete abandon, his entire body nestling in close to John’s, utterly relaxed and compliant. John kissed him for a long time, and then released him – but only in order to take his hand, and draw him over to the bed.


He’d spanked Rodney once before, but that had meant business. This would be entirely for their mutual pleasure and John much preferred delivering that kind of spanking.


He sat on the bed, arranged a pillow on his knee, and then drew Rodney down onto it and made him comfortable. Rodney started shaking again, just a little, and John could feel the shadow of that last spanking, hanging between them. Rodney had told him then that John had broken him, and John wanted this spanking to wipe that slate clean. He knew that this was an incredibly vulnerable position to be in, lying naked, upturned and exposed on someone’s lap, your ass offered up to them, with no safe word, just a fledgling bond of trust between you that could so easily be broken. John had no intention of breaking that trust. This would be a spanking that Rodney would enjoy.


John smoothed his hand over Rodney’s ass, and Rodney jumped just a little at the touch. John calmed him, whispering to him softly, telling him what a great ass he had, and Rodney started to relax again. John didn’t mind going at a slow pace – he loved having the opportunity to caress Rodney’s ass. In fact, he seriously doubted he’d ever be able to get enough of this ass.


He caressed the firm globes of flesh for a long time, until Rodney was completely relaxed and moaning softly, and then he delivered a little tap to one of them. Rodney’s butt rose eagerly to meet the next spank and John grinned, catching a glimpse of Rodney’s hard cock and noticing how Rodney was grinding his hips into the pillow when he went back down. John placed a hand on Rodney’s lower back to keep him in position, and then started to rain down some slow, lazy, spanks on Rodney’s plump bottom. They were just hard enough to sting, and just light enough to arouse, and John took his time, savouring Rodney’s exuberant reactions.


“Remember you have to hold that erection,” John warned, as Rodney’s thrusts against the pillow picked up pace. Rodney groaned, and looked back hopefully over his shoulder.


“Please let me come now,” he asked, a playful glint in those blue eyes of his, but John just laughed, and shook his head.


“No. You’ll come after I’ve come and not before, and that’s the way it’s always going to be,” he said firmly. Rodney’s eyes widened, aroused by that comment. “And I intend to come inside this nice warm ass,” John told him, “and you’ll come with me inside you too.” The expression in Rodney’s eyes immediately became a little panicked by that.


“Talk to me, Rodney,” John said, and Rodney bit on his lip and shrugged.


“Nothing,” he muttered. John stopped spanking him, and started stroking his bottom again.


“No, you need to tell me what’s going on with you,” he said firmly.


“It’s just…I really doubt I’ll be able to come if you’re inside me,” Rodney said, looking a little defiant, but upset at the same time. “I won’t be able to keep an erection, either. I never have. I’m happy for you to come inside me if that’s what you want, John, but…I’m going to disappoint you if you expect me to keep hard while you do it.”


John smiled at him. It was actually rather endearing that Rodney was more worried that he was going to disappoint John by not being able to hold his erection, than that the reason for that was because he was anticipating being in some pain and discomfort.
“I told you to trust me. So don’t worry about it,” John told him. “You will come with me inside you. I promise. Now just let go, and allow me to make it happen.” Rodney gazed up at him, the internal struggle showing clearly in his eyes, and then something happened, and his eyes cleared, and he nodded.


“Okay. I’ll try,” he whispered.


John grinned at him. He had no doubts on the subject at all, and he turned back to Rodney’s prettily glowing ass and started spanking him in earnest now. He knew that Rodney had a tendency to over-think things, and right now he needed to be distracted from his worries – and a good, firm spanking seemed the perfect way to achieve that.


After awhile Rodney’s ass was glowing like a beacon, red and inviting. Rodney was moaning and squealing with every spank, and although he kept in position he wriggled all over the place. John smiled to himself. They’d have to work on the wriggling because he expected his subs to stay in place and take what he handed out, but he loved how Rodney couldn’t keep anything in. He’d spanked some subs who submitted stoically to it, never uttering a word, but Rodney wasn’t one of them and John found that very rewarding.


Rodney yelled and hollered and begged John to stop, but not in such a way that John thought he wanted that to actually happen. And, when he did finally bring the spanking to a close, he thought he detected a little flash of disappointment in Rodney’s eyes. He gently dislodged Rodney from his lap, and arranged him on the bed, in the position he wanted him. He slipped his hand between Rodney’s legs and opened them wide, allowing his fingers to gently brush Rodney’s asshole as he did so. Rodney shivered.


“Okay, I want you to lie there, legs open wide like that – in the position I just put you in, and think about your ass, and how warm and inviting it is for me right now,” John told him, sliding off from the bed. Rodney gazed at him, wide-eyed. “Just think about your asshole,” John told him, undoing his leather cuffs and placing them on the nightstand. “Think about how open it is right now, and how you want to offer it up to me, so I can take you. Think about how good it’ll feel to serve me with that hole, to take me into you, and let me claim you.”


Rodney swallowed hard and nodded, but John noticed that he’d started to tremble again. John stripped off his clothes slowly, trying to re-focus Rodney’s attention on him, and Rodney gradually calmed down a little, his eyes transfixed as John slid off his leather pants, and finally released his hard, jutting cock.


John knew his own cock wasn’t what anyone would call pretty. It was thick, and blunt, and right now it was dark with need. Rodney seemed fairly impressed by it though, because he made a low, moaning sound in the back of his throat.


“Oh you’ll get to touch,” John told him, with a grin, “but not just yet.” He got back onto the bed, completely naked, and took Rodney into his arms.


“I thought you were going to…uh…” Rodney nodded with his head in the direction of his ass.


“I am,” John told him. “In awhile. Stop second-guessing me, Rodney. Just accept.”


Rodney bit on his lip, and that was such an enticing sight that John couldn’t resist leaning in and capturing the abused lip with his own. He loved the feeling of nakedness, of his own skin being pressed against Rodney’s, and he knew it was exciting Rodney too, because he pressed up close and his hands wandered down John’s back and came to rest on his ass. John grinned; fair was fair – he’d had a good feel of Rodney’s ass so there was no reason why Rodney shouldn’t get his share too.


John kissed Rodney for a long time, without hurrying, just enjoying the sensation of their two bodies, entwined. This whole experience was a sensory delight for him; he was getting to smell Rodney’s scent, and touch Rodney’s flesh, and see Rodney in all his naked glory and it made him tingle all over. John started to kiss lower, moving down to lick along Rodney’s collarbone, and then lower still to take a nipple in his mouth and suck down hard. Rodney wriggled, and John drew back.


“I’m your top, Rodney, let me play,” he ordered. Rodney nodded, and scrunched up his face as John went back in again. John couldn’t help himself – it was so delicious to be able to torment Rodney like this, and his sub’s reactions were so blissful and abandoned that he couldn’t resist teasing him relentlessly, nibbling and sucking and licking the sensitive nipples without mercy. Rodney rocked helplessly and happily in his arms, and John loved how easy it was to bring him to the brink of ecstasy just by playing with his nipples. He took Rodney right to the edge, and then drew back, and reached for the lube in his nightstand drawer. He watched Rodney closely the entire time, and saw Rodney react again, his body stiffening.


“Ssh,” John said, stroking him. “You trust me, remember?” Rodney nodded, his blue eyes still anxious, and John slathered lube on his hard cock, and then pushed Rodney’s legs apart and settled between them. Rodney’s erection had faded, just as he’d said it would, and John sighed – Rodney *did* trust him, but he knew his sub was offering himself up to what he was sure would be an ordeal, rather than expecting it to actually be pleasurable.


John changed his position, and dipped his head down and gently flicked his tongue over Rodney’s asshole. Rodney gave a yelp of pure pleasure, his legs quivering slightly as John pushed his tongue in as far as it would go, making his sub sigh. John loved being so close to Rodney, loved dipping his tongue deep inside his sub, exploring him in this most secret place. He loved the intoxicating, musky scent and he lost himself in it for a long while, drinking in the pleasure of being so deeply intimate with his submissive. Rodney clearly loved being rimmed, and he whimpered with abandoned pleasure, surrendering himself completely to John’s insistent tongue.


John rimmed Rodney until his sub was relaxed again, and then he drew back, and reached for the lube once more. He lubed his finger and slid the cool gel into Rodney’s hole. Rodney immediately tensed, and John slid the finger back and forth for awhile to get him used to the sensation. He knew Rodney was trying, knew also that the reaction was involuntary – that Rodney’s experiences in the past had left him with entirely negative associations about penetration. John inserted another finger but Rodney was too tight, clenching himself against the intrusion, and John knew that it was time to try out his plan.


He rolled down beside Rodney, and took his sub in his arms so that he was facing away from him, his buttocks pressed against John’s straining cock. John longed to pull apart Rodney’s butt cheeks and bury himself inside, but he also knew that wouldn’t work and Rodney would freeze up if he tried it. Instead, he gently opened Rodney’s buttocks and pressed the tip of his cock against Rodney’s tight hole. Rodney tensed in his arms, clearly imagining John was going to enter him, but John didn’t do more than tease the puckered opening with just the tip of his cock. He pressed it in, then pulled back, and then repeated the motion. Rodney started to relax, and John risked pressing in a little more. The ring of muscle was still tight, and he didn’t even try to breach it, just pulled back and pressed in over and over again.


“You’re so beautiful,” John murmured to Rodney, his hands wandering over Rodney’s body, and coming to rest on his flaccid cock. “God you’re hot. You make me so hard….” He pressed a series of little kisses against the back of Rodney’s neck, and was gratified when Rodney loosened up a bit, his shoulders starting to feel less tense. “Turn over for me – onto your hands and knees,” John ordered, and Rodney stiffened again, obviously imagining that the foreplay was over, and that this time John *would* take him. Still, he did as he was told without demur, although John noticed that the trembling was back.


John took a moment to savour the sight of a naked Rodney, on his hands and knees on the bed, his warm ass glowing, and a perfect red bite mark standing out proud on his right buttock. It was such a good sight, such an incredibly arousing sight, that John allowed himself a moment to just look. Rodney was *his*. No matter how many times he told himself that, he still felt a tingle of amazed pleasure.


Rodney was his naked, obedient sub, lying on his bed and doing whatever John ordered him to do, and John felt as if he’d finally come into his own as a top. There had always been an element where he’d been playing at it before – doing it well, but never really *feeling* it, in his heart, but now he could feel it in every nerve-ending in his body, in every fibre of his being, and it was *Rodney* who was making him feel like this. Rodney was the perfect sub to bring out his inner top, to make him into the top he’d always had the potential to be, and with Rodney it felt like sex was more than just bodies – it was so much more than that.


He felt connected to Rodney on every level, and he thought Rodney felt it too, judging by the way he was looking up at John over his shoulder, those blue eyes of his open and unguarded, allowing John to see everything he was. He was giving himself to John to take and make his, offering himself up willingly, without reservation. Gil had told him it would feel like this when he found the right person, and John understood something now of what a gift it was when a sub truly gave himself to you for the taking, the way Rodney was now. The power exchange between them was electric, rendering every touch full of shocks and sparks.


John opened Rodney’s legs with his hand and lubed his cock again, and then he pressed it against Rodney’s tight asshole once more. Rodney moaned, and John could see by the strain in his muscles that he was *trying* to open up. John planted a trail of kisses all the way down his spine, and Rodney was whimpering now, his body shaking.


“You want to take me,” John whispered, stroking Rodney’s haunches with his fingertips. “You want it so bad. You want to feel me move inside you, want me to claim you, and make love to you.”


Rodney pressed back against him but still John didn’t surge forwards. He tested the opening again, and found it looser, but Rodney still wasn’t relaxed enough to take him. John contented himself with kissing Rodney’s back, and taking his cock in his palm and rubbing it to its former erect state. Then he turned Rodney onto his back and settled between his legs once more. He took Rodney’s balls in his hand and played with them, loving the mewling sounds Rodney made when he caressed them.


“Keep moaning for me,” John told him. “That sounds so good.” Rodney gazed up at him, looking stunned by the whole experience. “I love you, Rodney,” John told him sincerely, and then he leaned down and kissed Rodney again, trapping his hard cock between their bodies, his own cock rigid with need. Yet still he had to control himself. He had to do this right.


John nuzzled against Rodney’s neck, and kissed his way down Rodney’s jaw, and Rodney reached up and touched John’s face, an expression of utter wonderment in his eyes. John went lower, pressing gentle, tender kisses wherever he went, and then he settled back and slipped the tip of his cock into Rodney’s opening again. Rodney seemed more relaxed now, and he opened his legs wide to accommodate John. Still John didn’t make his move. He just kept dipping his cock in and then pulling back, never completely breaching the ring of muscle, or pushing all the way in. Rodney was starting to moan more loudly now, his entire body relaxed and abandoned.


“Want you in me,” he whispered, and then he looked up, startled, as if he was surprised he’d said that. John smiled, and brushed his sub’s sweaty curls away from his forehead.


“Not yet…when you’re ready…not yet.”


He kept on pressing his cock into Rodney’s opening until Rodney was so used to the sensation he wasn’t expecting anything more, and he was completely relaxed with what John was doing…and then, unexpectedly, John pushed his cock in – and kept going. Rodney eyes widened in surprise, but by now John had slid through the tight ring of muscle, and he kept his cock there, while he waited for Rodney’s body to adjust to the intrusion. “It’s okay, ssh, just take it,” John whispered.


Rodney’s blue eyes remained fixed on his, and John smiled down, tenderly. Oh god! He was taking Rodney, claiming him with his cock for the first time, and it felt so good! Rodney’s asshole was tight around his cock, and John wanted more. He wanted to surge forwards and finally make Rodney completely his, but still he waited, rocking a little to loosen the hole. He noticed when Rodney’s body relaxed again, and this time he pushed in the whole way, sliding in deep, up to the root, and ending up with his body on top of Rodney’s, his arms braced on either side of Rodney’s chest. Rodney’s face was close, his eyes a little frantic, and John caught his lips in his own, soothing him.


“Okay?” he whispered, in between little nuzzling kisses. “Feel okay?”


“Feels…big, stretched…but it doesn’t hurt…took me by surprise,” Rodney whimpered.


“That was kind of the point,” John replied, kissing him again, a little whisper of a kiss. “Getting used to it?”


“Mmmm,” Rodney replied, his legs coming up to wrap themselves around John’s body.


“Good…because I’m going to move now.” John eased his hips back and heard Rodney’s gasp as his cock nearly left his body – and then he pushed back in again, surging forward with a firm thrust. Rodney gave a sigh of release – as if he’d just been holding his breath for a very long time.


“Oh god…that feels…oh shit…” he whispered. “It’s never felt like this before. It doesn’t hurt!”


John smiled, and kissed him again, because Rodney looked so adorable right now, naked and unguarded and so completely submissive beneath him. “That’s good,” he replied, “because this is pretty much where I want to spend the rest of my life so you should get used to it.”


Rodney grinned up at him, and then, for the first time that evening, John heard a sound that made his heart flip. Rodney giggled. He giggled, and his hair bounced around his neck, and he looked so happy that John just gazed at him, drinking in the sight.


“I want this moment to last forever,” John sighed. “Me, inside you, you – looking like you do right now.”


He closed his eyes to capture the image in his memory, savouring the feel of Rodney’s warm, tight flesh around his cock, milking him, and the touch of Rodney’s relaxed body under his arms, and the sound of Rodney’s gurgling laughter ringing in his ears. Then he opened his eyes again, and looked down on his beautiful, compliant sub.


“I love you,” he whispered. “God, I love you so much.” And he moved his hips for another smooth thrust, and then another. Rodney’s eyes were wide as they gazed up at him, full of surprised pleasure at each powerful thrust. John grinned, and then reached between their bodies and found Rodney’s cock. It was already semi-erect and soon sprang fully into life as John slid his hand along it. Rodney’s eyes were laughing now, as he realised just how much he was enjoying this. His entire body was convulsing around John’s cock, and John honestly did think this was the best night of his entire life.


Time seemed to slow down, and there was just the two of them and all this exquisite pleasure. Every hungry thrust made his body hum with delight, and he could tell by the expression on Rodney’s face that it was the same for him. John held off his orgasm for as long as he could, wanting to stay here, inside Rodney’s body, for as long as humanly possible, but finally his self-control cracked, and he began to speed up, thrusting harder, claiming Rodney for his own with each inward thrust, claiming him body and soul.


The pleasure built to crescendo, and then his brain was flooded in white light and he could feel himself coming, deep within his sub’s willing body. He shouted out his orgasm, his semen spurting out of him and into Rodney, in warm, ecstatic bursts. He rubbed his hand harder along Rodney’s cock as he came, and he was dimly aware of telling Rodney that he was allowed to come too, whenever he liked, and next thing he knew Rodney was making an amazing growling sound in the back of his throat and then he was coming all over John’s hand, and over his own belly. Finally the waves of pleasure slowed, and John collapsed, exhausted, onto Rodney.


He lay there for a long time, aware of Rodney’s fingers stroking his hair, and of how his cock was now soft inside Rodney’s warm body. Finally, with a groan, he slid gently out of Rodney, aware, from the slight hissing noise Rodney made, that the movement pained his sub a little.


He threw himself down beside Rodney and reached for him, pulling him into his arms. Rodney came, willingly, and nuzzled at John’s neck, seeking kisses that John was only too happy to provide. They kissed slowly, lazily, all the sexual urgency gone, and John reached down to cup one of Rodney’s plump ass cheeks in his hand.


“I told you I’d make it good,” John told his sub. Rodney gave him a weary, happy, post-coital smile.


“And I trusted that you would,” he said sleepily. John laughed, and hugged him close, delighted that his sub was finally wrapped up in his arms, where he belonged, naked, and sated and happy.


“Thank you for that.” John kissed his forehead.


“No choice in the end,” Rodney muttered. “You’re a hard man to resist, John Sheppard.”


“And you’re an easy man to love, Rodney McKay.”


Rodney’s sleepy eyes widened just a little at that, as if he really doubted that was the case, and John sighed, and kissed him again, determined that he’d get his sub to accept that, in time.


John watched as Rodney fell asleep in his arms. John was still too hyped up to sleep himself, and he lay there for a long time, drinking in the sight of his beautiful sub, lying naked and abandoned in his bed. Every now and then he pressed a little kiss to Rodney’s cheek or forehead, or combed his fingers gently through his sub’s wavy hair.


It meant something that Rodney was here, that Rodney had come to him and surrendered to him, that he trusted him. It was that trust that touched his heart, and he glanced at the picture of his smiling fathers on his nightstand, and remembered again what Gil had said to him all those years ago.


There were many, many things John wanted to do to Rodney, many ways he wanted to explore his sub’s body, but tonight’s love-making had been perfect for their first time. They had time – the rest of their lives – to do more. For now, he was just happy to lie here and watch Rodney sleep. God knows the poor guy needed it. He’d looked shattered when John had found him here earlier, but now, sleeping like a baby in John’s arms, he finally looked at peace.


It was late when John woke. He came to immediately, reaching for Rodney, only to find that the bed was empty. He glanced around, worried, and then saw Rodney standing by the floor-to-ceiling window, looking out at the sunrise, watching the first golden beams of light striking the sea beneath them.


John’s breath caught in his throat because Rodney looked perfect standing there like that. He was completely naked, his white skin lit by the rosy rays of the sun. His cock was hanging loose and free and John gazed at it hungrily, aching for them to be in physical contact again, wanting to touch his sub, to hold him and make love to him.


He was about to call Rodney over to the bed when something in his lover’s expression stopped him. Rodney looked…kind of lost. He was resting his head on one arm, just gazing out over the water, and he seemed troubled, lost in thought. It was rare to see Rodney standing still in one place for long, not speaking or moving restlessly around, and John felt a little knot of anxiety form in his belly.


John got up, silently, and padded across the room. He slid an arm around Rodney’s body and pressed a kiss to the back of his neck. Rodney shifted slightly, and his hand came up and covered the one that John had around his waist.


“Is everything okay?” John asked, anxiously, kissing Rodney’s ear.


“I don’t know,” Rodney replied, still gazing out at the sea. “I just woke up and I feel…I’ve never felt like this before. I have no idea how to handle it.” Then he turned his head, and his blue eyes were suddenly very close. “My god, John, what have you done to me?” he asked, his voice breaking slightly as he spoke.


John smiled, and tightened his arms around Rodney’s naked body, no longer worried. He knew the answer to this one. “I made you mine,” he said softly. Rodney turned in his arms and curled his fingers through John’s hair, smoothing it as he went.


“Yes,” he whispered, in a surprised tone, as he finally figured that one out. “Yes, I guess you did.”




End of Part Ten




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